axdi29

2006-03-29T11:54:00.000+08:00

As I mentioned in my previous entries, I'm the colours commander in our senior's commencement exercises. And in the past few days, I've been wanting to tell the teachers to include me in the deliberation for the honor students because I have a feeling that I belong to the honor roll. But I didn't have the courage for I was afraid of being called mafeeling when I told them, they computed, and found out that I really am not an honor.
Then suddenly, earlier this morning when I went back to school, some of my classmates are congratulating me. To my surprise, my bestfriend totaled my average and found out that I was supposed to be recognized in the past recognition and commencement exercises. But now it's too late. The recognition day's over. No one's to be blamed.
I shouldn't be because I'm not that FC to the teachers to tell them to include me in the deliberation. Neither the teachers are to be blamed for they might think that I'm just one of the ~~average~~, well I am, because of not concentrating well on my studies. But suddenly, I came to the point of my life when I realized to take the straight path. The time when I realized that I should study hard for a better future. To have a chance to get a good UPG, to be specific. The time when I came to realize that what I am today will be me tommorrow. I just regret myself not realizing it earlier. Now it's just too late.. :(
Not receiving my medal is not the problem for me. It's just that I wan't to make my parents proud. I wan't them to go up stage and hang my medal. But it's too late.... :((
I think this is just a lesson that I have to learn. The lesson, it's just for me to know and for you to find out. I don't want to sound mafeeling. Well this lesson is so far the best one. This is the first one that I am accepting whole heartedly.
I still have another chance to make my parents proud anyways. And the medal? It's not worth dying for. It's just a thing.

It is not the medal nor the certificate that is important;
It is the wisdom you earned that matters.

Our Mock TV Show. Success????

2006-03-17T18:06:00.000+08:00

Wow! What a week! We had slept for at least an hour or three since Sunday night for our Mock TV Show. Ugghh! Last Wednesday night, we slept over Dianne's house for practice. I drank RH. Hahahah! Then I and Dee practiced our news report, then the hollaback girls practiced their dance as some of us practiced our parts, then ate our dinner at around 12. Then we practiced again and decided on our choral speech. Then after those, some watched a movie("The Chainsaw Massacre", if i remember it right.) while some went to bed. There wasn't enough room, so we tried to fit in their sort of living room. I and Anna slept in a narrow hall or whatever you call that. Then those who watched the movie on the sala. We slept at around 4 and woke up at quarter to 7.
Then all of us went home to take a bath and go to school for practice again. at around 9:00 a.m., we defend our proposal. Unfortunately, we have to revise some part of it. At around 10:30, we, the models, *ehem ehem*, practiced our ramp. Actually partial practice it is. Then at quarter to 1:00pm, I, Bruce, Man, Denzy, Yen, Aivie, and Yam, got the social hall ready for the show. We put the curtains and made the catwalk. Wahahah! Then went home to eat and get our costumes. At 3:30pm, we started the show.

MOCK TV SHOW The Juniors/Batch 2003-2007 I. Introduction of the Hosts
II. Dance Number(Westderqs)
III. Commercial(Man)
IV. Choral Speech(The Energetic Juniors)
V. Commercial(Nia)
VI. News Report(Dee and Rash)
VII. Commercial(Anna)
VIII. Breaking News (Dee)
X. Dance Number (Hollaback Gurls)
XI. Drama (I forgot)
XII. Commercial (Khaiz)
XIII. Breaking News (Rash)
XIV. Commercial (Yam)
XV. Modelling (The Elegant-slash-Gorgeous Models)
XVI. Choral Song (The Energetic Juniors)

Again, Congratulations..

Hosts: Fatimah Jasmeen Alih and Bruce Rhick Estillote

Dancers(Westderqs): Denzy Rose Tangkusan, Ainahar Manulon, Bruce Rhick Estillote, Jayson Zacarias, and Nemark Jumawan

Choral Readers(The Energetic Juniors):
Boys: Abdurahman Abduraja, Ammar Aradais, Abdul-Aziz Eldani, Bruce Rhick Estillote, Rashidi Garcia, Jasper Rey Gumen, Al-Khaizer Ibrahim, Abduljamil Ishmael, Mujahid Jaji, Nemark Jumawan, Almahrum Malik, Alkhaber Palili, Stanley Salapuddin, Jeffrey Imer Salim, Ahmad Uzayr Werble, and Jayson Zacarias.
Girls: Fatimah Dianne Alih, Fatimah Jasmeen Alih, Tadzmahal Amilhamja, Nia Askalani, Anna-Winlyn Baridji, Mariam Fatima Calo, Tiffany Datu-Alih, Nurul-Ainie Eldani, Zjehada Nur Fernandez, Aivie Gambe, Aldeena Hajilan, Rodzna Jamma, Shana Ladja, Ainahar Manulon, Mardella Matba, Marjum Omar, Ruby-Ann Suhod, Denzy Rose Tangkusan, Ferdah Reeza Yusop, and Haifa Yusoph.

Commercial Models: Nia Askalani, Abdurahman Abduraja, Anna-Winlyn Baridji, Alkhaizer Ibrahim, and Mariam Fatima Calo.

News Casters: Aldeena Shara Hajilan and Rashidi Garcia (special thanks and congratulations to their guest, Ms. Jasmeen Alih)

Dancers(Hollaback Gurls): Shana Ladja, Haifa Yusoph, Aivie Gambe, Mariam Fatima Calo, Marjum Omar, and Tadzmahal Amilhamja.

Drama Artists(Silver Bracelet): Zjehada Nur Fernandez, Tadzmahal Amilhamja, Marjum Omar, Jayson Zacarias, Rodzna Jamma, ay basta marami yun! Congratz.. At dun sa mga naassign sa drama pero hindi natuloy ang "The World Is An Apple" na ikinabigo ni ma'am, Congratz din.

The Elegant-slash-Gorgeous Models:
Punk Attire - Haifa Yusoph and Anna-Winlyn Baridji.
Ragged Attire - Mariam Fatima Calo, Marjum Omar, Mujahid Jaji, and Abdul-Aziz Eldani.
Semi-Formal - Shana Ladja, Abdurahman Abduraja, Nia Askalani, and Alkhaizer Ibrahim.
Formal - Mardella Matba, Tadzmahal Amilhamja, and Rashidi Garcia.

The SONGERS:
Boys: Abdurahman Abduraja, Ammar Aradais, Abdul-Aziz Eldani, Bruce Rhick Estillote, Rashidi Garcia, Jasper Rey Gumen, Al-Khaizer Ibrahim, Abduljamil Ishmael, Mujahid Jaji, Nemark Jumawan, Almahrum Malik, Alkhaber Palili, Stanley Salapuddin, Jeffrey Imer Salim, Ahmad Uzayr Werble, and Jayson Zacarias.
Girls: Fatimah Dianne Alih, Fatimah Jasmeen Alih, Tadzmahal Amilhamja, Nia Askalani, Anna-Winlyn Baridji, Mariam Fatima Calo, Tiffany Datu-Alih, Nurul-Ainie Eldani, Zjehada Nur Fernandez, Aivie Gambe, Aldeena Hajilan, Rodzna Jamma, Shana Ladja, Ainahar Manulon, Mardella Matba, Marjum Omar, Ruby-Ann Suhod, Denzy Rose Tangkusan, Ferdah Reeza Yusop, and Haifa Yusoph.

And of course, although they cancelled their part, congratulations to Aivie Gambe the Declamator, and Zjehada Nur Fernandez the Orator. And again, the cancelled drama artists.

Thank you ma'am. I and Dee-Dee gained a special congratulation for our News Report. She told me that I was like one of the anchors in CNN. Thank You so much ma'am. We delivered well the report said Ma'am on Friday. And of course, yours truly was congratulated for modelling. Hahah. Yen said Ma'am was shocked when I burned the catwalk. Heheheh. All of the models were congratulated too.

The show would be A+ she said, but she expected "The World is An Apple". So she rated us A. But it's okay. :) Smile everyone! :) The said drama was supposed to be the Highlight of the show. But we decided to make Modelling the highlight. Successful! Hahahah..

Well congratulations Third Year!

Now, I'm trying to have some rest after a lot of pressure. Yet I still have the revision of our proposal in mind and the graduation thing. Ugghh!! I really have to borrow a uniform. Too late to ask for one. I'd only get to wear them once anyway. But I bought a sword. For "remembrance" 's sake. Hakhak

Sa lahat ng mga magreremoval exam, galingan niyo nalang. Andito kami para sa inyo. At yung last sleepover natin para sa academic year na to ha, next week. Wag niyong kalimutan. Ingats all.

2006-03-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

"Boyfriend ko ba yan?

Ang gwapo naman ng Commandant nila!"

And there was Anna, making a new record. Wow! She said that during our practice. I didn't hear her, but our other classmates told me that she said that when they were raising their swords(i don't know the term to be used for that exercise. but you know what honor guards do, right?) as I and the colours passed(and you also know that colors walk below the sword thingy, right?) by them. She and some of our classmates were assigned to be honor guards. And I, my humble self *cough cough* is the colours commandant. No biggy. I'm not the batcom after all. The exercises were to be done during or before the graduates march. Lucky them, i have to shout and get tired for their graduation! *lol*

I mentioned that she made a new record earlier. Yes she did. She did in our love story. Yikeeeyy! She's the first girl to say those and make me feel really special all the time. Do you know that feeling when you can't do anything but just smile or even jump of gladness? She makes me feel that for almost all the time. Wuhooo! I'm so lucky. A heartthrob, inlove and happy with me. She's happy too, i guess. I just hope.

Uhhhh.. I'm so tired. So so so tired that i can't have enough enthusiasm to do our term paper in Filipino. Uggh!!

2006-03-13T18:54:00.000+08:00

I have this funny story. Hahah! But I'm in question of telling it. I'm not sure if this is really funny. But whatever it is, let me tell you my dear bloggy what had happened on the 11th, 12th, and 13th of March. :P

11th March, 2006.

Well we had our exam on english grammar. It was a bit difficult. Sheeesh! I'm sure 2.5 or lower nanaman ako. :((
After the exam, we went to Yaem's house to watch a movie. But first, i accompanied the girls buy their flowers for their PEHM or PHEM it is. I was the one to accompany them since I think I'm the only one among the boys who doesn't have a motorcycle yet. Or maybe 'tis too exagg. Let's just say that I'm the only one who isn't permitted yet to drive. Huhuh.. :((
We were going to watch only One Missed Call 1. Since we have the whole day to distress, we borrowed another CD. I forgot the title since I failed to watch the movie. :((
Around 3:00 pm, I and Ajay went home to get my book and at the same time buy some Pancit and bread for our snacks. Beach side inn's pancit's sooooooper sarap that we ran out of it. HAhah. Super kabitin. Then after mirienda, I and Anna had some special time together. HAhah.. I sent her home around 7:00pm. Then i walked home from their house since it's just two blocks away. :) Then i slept soundly.

12th March, 2006.

I woke up at about 8:00am and took a bath at 9:00 as i can remember. I ate my breakfast, made my written report, watched tv, then surfed the net until 2pm. Then I ate lunch. And then again, surfed the net. At about 3pm, i tried to sleep but i cant. So i just took a rest as i listened to my media player. Then at about 5pm, i watched Phil of the Future. Then Suite Life of Zack and Cody. As i were to finish the show, someone knocked on our gate suuuuuuper loud, as if they were attacking me. When my aunt opened the gate, I saw Bruce, Denzy, Jaz and crying Yaem. HAhahah! They asked me if I want to help them plan our mock tv show and have an overnight at Yaem again. I asked for permission, and thank God, was permitted. Then we went to Denzy's to eat dinner, and then to Yaem's. But believe it or not, we didn't have the mock tv show planned. Instead, I helped them encode their written reports and again, ate. Hahah! My second round. Then I and Bruce talked about our labidubs. HAhahah! Then we went to Room 101(Oh, incase you aren't my classmate, Room 101 is one of the rooms in Yaem's pension house or something. Basta. Whatever you call that. It's like a hotel, only smaller.). We were supposed to stay there cuz it's really big with 4 beds. Hahah. Then we layed there, talked about anything and everything. Laughed, Laughed, and Laughed. At about 2:00am, I invited Ivy to go to the kitchen to eat since I was hungry. Again. HAhah. Third round. She made me coffee although i wanted to drink hot chocolate. :( Well they don't want me to get sleepy. Then she accompanied me until i finished eating. Then we watched TV, too bad there wasn't any good channel to watch. We looked for CDs or DVDs but unfortunately, we found none. So we went again to Yaem's room to finish typing the report. But Yaem was using the computer so we left her there then I, Bruce, Maman, Jaz, Ivy, and Denzy stayed in Room 101 and laughed to death. HAhah! Super saya that we slept at around 4am. But we had to wake up at 5:30 to go home, bathe, eat, to be ready for school. Hahah! Oh, spare me! The above happenings were supposed to be put in 13th March, 2006. Sorry.

13th March, 2006.

I was the first to come to school among the cooperative. The exams were over so we didn't have our flag ceremony. I went home for lunch and went back at about 2:00pm cuz i had to print my report. When I came, I managed to pass the report. And after that, we practiced our choral speech for the mock tv show. After, I and DeeDee planned our News Program or Show. Then, at about 3, the Honor guards for the graduation ceremony practiced. I didn't belong since I went home earlier when sir was appointing those who belong to the guards. Then I and my bishprin, stayed upside and planned to Cut Classes. When we were supposed to sneak out, Van Damme(Akhmadez) and Kharlo, two seniors, called me and told me that I will be the one commanding the colours. The colours, those who bring two flags and two guns before the marching of the graduates and the national antheme. Wahhh!! And I'm the one to command them. Uh huh! Sooooo difficult. My neck went dry. :((
But for childishness' sake, i thought that I'm the Colours' commander, and for that, I must assign them names! HAhah.
Jeffrey, the one who brings the gun is Yellow.
Aziz(aka Empoy), the one who brings the other gun is Orange.
Nemark, the one who brings the school flag is Purple.
Jayson, the one who brings the flag of the Philippines, is Pink.
And as for myself, I am blue. Or black. Whichever of the two. Hahah. Well i love color blue. :P
And now, my throat is killing me! Waaaaahh!
Well at least, I wont get tired of raising the sword like the honor guards. HAhah. Anna is one of the honor guards. :P
But for pit's sake, I still have no uniform. I hope someone can borrow me. I just hope. Hope. Hope. :((

2006-03-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

So what should i write about?

I have written a lot of prose in my notes for my blog. But i don't know what's within me. It shouldn't be because I did super lots of things. It's just that...I don't know. I suddenly became too lazy to blog. Well, I guess, I'd go back to blogging again for our exam's over. Just a number of projects to finish and I'd be free from pressure.

Filipino term paper
English literature report
Physics written report
Thesis defense
Soc.Sci. written report
English literature mock tv show

We have to practice for the show. We're supposed to perform that on thursday, 16th of march. Uggghhhh! Well I don't have to worry much. I only have few parts on the show: news casting, choral speech, interpretative dance. And do spare me if i forgot a thing.

The academic year's almost over. It was just like a few months ago when I went to school as a freshman. The fleet of time's super invisible. I can't believe that in less than a year, I'd be marching and receiving my high school diploma. How I wish that fate can give our class some time to recollect the mirthy things we've done when we were in sophomore. I really really miss those bonding moments. It's now a year when our united batch/clan/family was divided into three. How i wish that we'd be able to realize all our faults and be willing to start again and let all our young souls be jubilant as they were way back sophomore. Yet i know, in some way or another, nothing would be the same. Since some of us really had deep hurts with each others' words. And that, is what time has to heal. No words can ease the pain and none can put up back the pieces of the puzzle of trust.

But I hope the healing won't be long. We have to cherish the remaining time left. Not when we're already seniors. For i know, the KuKluxKlan Family won't be complete next year. Some will be kicked-out. And, of course, like Denzy and Jasmeen--they have to go to America this August for that AFS program. Uggghhh.. God, please waken up the hearts of my classmates. Let us be happy with each others' company. Let us learn to trust each other again. Please don't let us realize our mistakes when we're already on stage, singing our graduation song. Please let us realize all of those as soon as now.

2006-02-09T19:54:00.000+08:00

ang song namen sa js. wahahah

Sometimes I wonder how I'd ever make it through
Through this world without having you, I just wouldn't have a clue
'Cos sometimes it seems like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free, and then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you baby, and everything's alright, everything's alright

When I see you smile, I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, oh oh
I see it shining right thru the rain
When I see you smile, baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What a touch of your hand can do, it's like nothing that I ever knew

And when the rain is falling, I don't feel it, 'cos you're here with me now
And one look at you baby, is all I'll ever need, it's all I'll ever need

When I see you smile, I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, oh oh
I see it shining right thru the rain
When I see you smile, baby, baby when I see you smile at me

Sometimes I wanna give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight
Then one look at you baby, and everything's alright, everything's alright
So right

(Instrumental break)

When I see you smile, I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, oh oh
I see it shining right thru the rain, yeah
When I see you smile, I can face the world, oh oh, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile, oh yeah, baby when I see you smile, smile at me

Pero eto ang choice ng class nameng mga juniors.

When you wake up each mornin'
and you feel like callin'
I'll be there for you
When the road seems uncertain
And you can't stop the hurtin'
I'll be there for you
When there's no one beside you
I'll be there to guide you
Catch you each time you fall
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there....

When the world is unkind
And your dreams they need more time
I'll be there for you
If the rules they keep breakin'
And the future is fadin'
I'll be there for you
The rainbow will end in the palm of your hand
Don't ever let it go
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there....

Who knows where we'll go
What will tomorrow bring
When we have each other
Just hold on tight
We can touch the skies and fly......

I'll be there for you....

The rainbow will end in the palm of your hand
Don't ever let it go
When the stars won't shine anymore
I'll be there....

I'll be there....

kaso ayaw ata ni mam. huhuh un gs2 nia eh.

2006-01-15T23:06:00.000+08:00

Miss you sis.. Sorry and thank you for everything.. I'd surely miss and shall never forget the sharings we had.. I'd always cherish them for the rest of my life.. tgccirc.

PS: Remember that kuya's always here. Just a text away if you have problems..

Weird!

2006-01-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

My horoscope for today:

You've never been short on charisma, and you know exactly how to use that gift of charm you've been given to the very utmost, so when an authority figure silently implores you to work their side of the fence, you'll do it -- so well that they'll win before the other side even knows they're sparring. Let's just hope that they appreciate you, because with the depth of devotion you give to others, you really deserve it.

Hmmm.. Nothin. I'm just wondering if it has something to do with what i recieved earlier, a mentor well i dunno, he asked me if i'm interested in modelling. Then i read his profile, according to him, he's a workshop teacher(i dunno if that's the right term). At manager narin daw. Harhar.. Wala lang.

Pardon. Pardon. Pardon.

2006-01-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

My impressions of life wasn't right after all.

I think i've been exaggerating my views on life. I've been judging life by recollecting only the bad things happening to me. If I gaze upon the good ones, i can still say that i'm indeed lucky.

Being a negative thinker makes me feel that life is unfair. It makes me feel inferior, like as if I'm too poor, too ugly, too dull, too bad, too jinky to still go on living. But if that is what they call humility, then i may come to a conclusion that we should all do think negatively. Well leave the disadvantages behind if doing so would make us all humble and get stuck unto the ground. If there are disadvantages of thinking that way, it'd not-i think-matter if the main reason of our economic status nowadays is the desire of politicians(pardon me) to be more superior in wealth than their acquintances(this is greed, i think).

Before i get to the political and economic issues of our country(if given time this may also lead to those of the world. harhar)

So there we are, I think I'm lucky. I'm a scholar, i earn my own money, i can do well in school if i try to, i am good looking(well i seldom say this. don't go against this phrase. i beg you.), i have good manners. harhar. watebur. basta i think i'm lucky even without my parents' support(wealth, encouragement, etc.) and more than all of these, i have great friends.

For times my fingers aren't enough to count how many, i had been jealous of my siblings. Well i'm still being jealous of them. Not that they have more achievements than me but because of the fact that they earn more attention from both our parents. The reason why, i know, which bothers me more.

I know that my sisters' bad performances in school and life itself, and their stupidity, lack of perseverance and inobedience are the factors or some of the factors why our parents' attention is not well-divided among us 6. Plus 1(UUhh!! That adopted monkey!). You see I'm the only scholar in the family, i'm the one bringing honor, i'm the one making them proud and ~~i'm the only son~~ but i still can't get the most of their attention.

I thought of living my life the way my sisters are so that i can have the same amount of attention. But i thought of my future, my reputation, and etsatera. harhar! I just couldn't waste my life for my parents' attention. I guess i love my life more than i love them. Yes, i owe them my life but is it really wrong to love myself more than them? I can pay the things they've given me when i become rich in time.

The point is, after a long long long long introduction, after that philippine economy, that negativity and stuff, this posting is about my realization that all i'm doing, all my achievements, all my sacrifices, i'm not doing all of these for my parents, not because they taught me to(they never taught me anything), but because i'm supposed to. not for their honor, but for mine. i think i have my own life but still living in their lieu, well let me get a job and i'll isolate from them.

I'm selfish. it's because my parents taught me to be one. pardon me, mom, dad, but of all your acts towards us, it yielded to this.

This posting is not sensible. You can't find any moral lesson but this is what's happening to most of us "white sheeps" in the family. Or "us" having similar parents.

I don't know, i'm just becoming insensible enough to write. What happened to me? Huhuhuh. Soon, this hallowness will yield to the deletion of this blog. Oh lord! Send me some brain! harhar!

PS: Pardon me for the stupidity. I'm stupid. So so so stupid.

I Bid Goodbye to 2005.

2006-01-01T01:00:00.000+08:00

Minutes to go and 2005 would finally be just a part of the past. I'll be facing the year 2006 with doubt and a question killing the excitement of welcoming the year.

Would this year's cruelty be as that of 2005? I hope not.

But of all the bad things i encountered last year(it's actually 12a.m., i paused writing earlier), after recollecting all of them in memory, they also yield to good things--lessons i can never forget; the realization that they are only trials that made me stronger after all; and they make life worth living, they make me human.

The bad things that happened to me in the previous years:

* i failed to go to the gym during summer(which,could seriously ruin my dreams).

* i had misunderstandings with some friends.

* i failed my 2nd grading algebra and trigonometry exams because of my addictness to internet.

* i wasn't able to buy a new cellular phone. a new pc. new contact lenses. new mp3 player. lots of new clothes because my mom didn't give me enough money but she gave my evil sister lots of it.

* i wasn't able to sell my sonny ericsson p800.

* i digested a lot of good compliments(which isn't good).

* i screw up with my lovelife.

But still God is good and something good also happened:

* i had my own internet connection.

* we were once again united.

* that's all. i think.

Well, the heck! I'll be ready with whatever happens this y2k6. *sigh*

P.S. This is my first post for the year. I have been too lazy to post for the month of december. XD

Angry, Am i not?

2005-12-11T20:45:00.000+08:00

Realizations, realizations, realizations.

Oh well!

I hafta post. But i'm effin lazy to compose proses.

yet i felt like posting so i am. =)

wahahahahah!!

I want to make new codes for this bloggy blog blog of mine.

Owrayt. I'll do it after the 5-days encampment.

Or after the christmas break.

Cuz i think after the encampment, i'd be heading for my flight to malaysia.

Shhhheeeeeeeesssshhhhh

Don't they want me to rest for about a week before travelling??

Paker!

My parents are plain fuckers!

I mean it.

2005-12-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

Waw! Naloloko na ako sa photoshop.

Sa brush.
Sa cutout.
Sa pictures.
Sa pagpose.

eto ginawa ko.

BLUE

+

BLACK

=

BLUEACK

And when there's blue and black, there'll always be rash.. =)
------
Waaaaaaahh!! Hindi pa ako nagsstudy sa economics. Dami2 pa ng isusulat ko dun. Tsk! Kung bat ba kase kelangan pang mgcheck ng notebook eh hindi naman kami binibigyan ng time para magsulat?!

At bakit pa kelangan magreport sa unahan eh hindi naman kami nakikinig sa reporter??

Sheeeeesh! Oo. Pinili kong mag-aral sa bulok na paaralan na to. Pinili kong pahirapan nila ako sa pag-aaral. Pero bakit kelangan pang paghirapan ko ang mga walang kwenta nilang pagsubok??

Mas maige sana kung pinagawa nalang ako ng robot o website o kung ano pa kesa pagreportin sa unahan ng walang nakikinig o pagsulatin sa notebook kahit sa libro nag-aaral.

Gago ko!

Walang sense. Tsk tsk..

2005-12-03T18:42:00.000+08:00

Puta!

I was supposed to post today.

But blogger failed me. errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Finished typing it.

But when i clicked Publish Post, it failed me. Some codes were ruined. *badtrip*

Those codes were suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper long.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper hard.

The codes were for the pics i edited.

I'll just post it on my picturetrail. =)

2005-12-03T18:02:00.000+08:00

Some girls from friendster are really pissing me off.
It's not that they're insulting me.
It's just that I'm being annoyed by their messages with no sense. No substance.
Just asking me to add them up, or just saying hello.
They're so dumb.
Got my e-mail address posted on the photo captions yet they're still asking me to add them for they don't know my address.
What the fuck are they here for??
No looks, no brains, all they have is plain kalandian.
Asking someone who doesn't know them to add their fucking account!
ARrrrrrrrgh.

---------

It's still the frustrated model versus the aspiring one.

---------

Yey! I have downloaded adobe photoshop!! Wuhooooooo!!
Got 5 pics edited today.

Two for my myspace profile.
And the other three, did it because i was bored.

Hahah.. Oh well.. Apology for the ugliness. =)
I'm new with photoshop. It's understandable. i think. =)

2005-12-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

It's the frustrated model versus the aspiring one.
Sheeessh!! My friends know who's the frustated model i'm talking of, and the aspiring one shouldn't be doubted who for yours truly has the only confidence to say that he's a model. Or an aspiring one.

**grrrr**

I had been observing that frustated model's acts towards me. He's trying to pull me down. He's trying to make me feel that he's the only one who has the right to tell the world that he's a model. Or a wanna-be.

Watebur.

He's making a big deal out of my imperfections.

He's getting into my nerves. I want to insult him infront of many people. I want to make him see his flaws. I want to make him face the reality--he is too old to start a modelling career.

He is ugly. That's why he isn't yet married. That's why he's stucked with his fugly profession.

Stop it rashidi! You're being mean already.

He's already old yet he can't accept it.

What does he feel everytime he embarrass us?

I hate him. Period.

-------

I'm really trying to redirect my life. I'm going to start organizing my day, and start giving my best shot on whatever i do. =)

Just realized something. =)

Paker shet!

2005-12-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

Nawala sa isip ko na may report pa ko sa Phil.Eco. bukas! Haba2 panaman nun!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!

Sana hindi ako maabutan.

Demmmmmmmmmmet!!!

Sana talaga hindi ako maabutan.. ='(

----------

Bukas narin kami papasok isa-isa sa confession room. Wahah!!

Lam ko na sino sasabihin kong suspect ko. Bwahahahah

Pasensya sa mapagttripan kong pangalan. Kelangan lang. =)

Ikaw naman laman ng mga tsismisan nila eh. Sorry.

2005-12-01T17:49:00.000+08:00

When your head gives you ache. :O

Oh, read the sentences below provided that you won't be offended by any words or lines. This is my blog and i have the right to post what's inside me.

----

I still have lots of thoughts to post. But my headache's killing me.

I need some rest. =)

tc y'all... or ya'll.. watebur.

Wat a day!

2005-11-30T17:51:00.000+08:00

Wachabooboobah!! =)

Morning, no problemow.. except for jayson.

He had a fight again with our previous schoolmates. Pweh! Pil naman ng mga panget na yun! Pero dahil din naman sa classmate naming matabil. *sigh* Mukang di na uli magiging one heart ang KluKluxKlan.. =( Kung kelan closeness ko na lahat sila uli.. *sigh* at kung kelan mukhang tuloy na tuloy na si Denzy at Jaz sa USA para sa exchange student wachachuh na program ng AFS na un. *sigh uli* Di ko napanood bakbakans nina Jays kanina. Tsk tsk.. *sigh uli agen*

--------

I ate twister fries with my bespren. =) Saya! =) Contest kami--pabilisan makaubos ng sago. =) Hahahah!! =) Kita pa namin si Anna sa town. Wala lang. Kita ko naman sya sa ISKUL eh. =) Puno ng smilies post ko. =) Wala lang din. =)

--------

Recieved compliments today. Pero yung iba, nakakasawa na pakinggan like ~~hawig ni echo~~, ~~hawig ni uma~~. Pweh!
Ang bago, sabi nung bangag na driver na kilala ang mom ko,
Driver:"Kaw yung anak ni.....blah blah blah..basta nagpakilala siya.Anong year ka na ngayon?"

Ako:"3rd year."
Driver: "Ahh..Laki mo na ah.. 9 years old ka palang noon nung nakikita kita na kasama mom mo. Gwapo kanaman na noon, kaso mas gumwapo pa ngayon kase tumangkad ka pa."

At ako'y natahimik nalang. Nagbingi-bingihan. Hahah! Lumaki nanaman ulo ni rash. At sa paglaki, ganon parin ang brain. Walang pagbabago. Mas lalo pa atang lumiliit. Bumubobo na ata ako! Tsk tsk. Sa looks and brains(awkward pag beauty and brains), looks nalang ako. =) Wahahah! Ok lang. Mas malaki kita nun eh. Hahah!!

--------

And i'm dreaming of becoming a porn star. =) I find pornography cool. HAhah! Not hot. Bwahahhahahah!! =) Stupidity.

---------

A new friendster profile skin is yet to be finished. Finally decided on the concept. Retro again. =) Cool eh. =)

----------

I should learn to accept the changes time caused.

Random

2005-11-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

I really don't have the right mood to write and blog. Millions of thoughts are going WoooWooo in my mind yet i'm too lazy.

-----------------

I hate my haircut. Geees!! It needs to be polished with hairgel again. To lazy to do that yet too look-conscious to just let my curly hair look dry and stand as though i don't use comb.

-----------------

Zits are killing me! I guess i'm not having enough sleep that pimples are popping out. Ts! There's none on my face but at the back, forehead and some on my chest. Eyws!! Need to see my mom's derma.

-----------------

Ouch! I'm loving her for three years. I've been broken for two years. May 17, 2003. I remember christmas with her love.. **sigh**

-----------------

I'm spending christmas with my family. I'm going to Malaysia this christmas break. Geeeess!! I'm going to meet my brothers-in-law again!
None would be the same.. I think this'll be the last visit..

-----------------

Nemark and Jeffrey's killing me! Shetness!! Now that ive transferd seat, Mac and Jeff, the super-kulet seatmates doesn't let me listen to our discussion since we're aat the back.
But i like sitting at the back. I can sleep, i can eat, i can do my homework, i can use my phone, I CAN CHEAT! Bwahahahahhahah

----------------

Final decision, I'm not sending my application for the inter-ethnic dialogue and conflict resolution thingie. But i still have a lot of writings to do.

A blank verse for literature class.
~~A composition about aids for grammar class.~~
Visual aid for my report on Phil.Economics(Social Studies 3)
~~A free verse for literature class.~~

But i really don't have the right enthusiasm to do those.

----------------

Tataaahh

2005-11-25T18:24:00.000+08:00

I wrote this when I was sitting alone this afternoon.

I am writing again. This may seem nonsense but I just have to write this down.

Sitting in the corner of our dirty room, resting my head on our locker full of crap, isolating from the trippings of my classmates, I am spending time again with myself as I watch my classmates in groups, laughing.

One of the groups, sitting in circle, is silent yet wasting their energy, consuming the unlimited SMS credits talking to each other via SMS.

The other group, reading their Candy Magazine they've bought.

The other boys' group, playing cards, laughing, and soon, some of the girls came up to them and played.

A duo, one of them tripping, as if she's a superstar, talking to the president of her Fans' Club. Wow!!

They seem happy and I don't.

I'm just here, sitting in a corner with nothing to do, listening to their mumbling voices.

I love being like this.

I love being alone.

I love sitting alone in a corner, as if i have a world of my own.

I love me being mute.

I'm tired of the noise I'm making.

I'm thinking of something.

I think it's a plan..

Or just a mere dream.. MAYBE.

I'm thinking of being this way...

.. Not until die..

.. Not until I get home..

.. Not until the school year ends..

But I'd be like this for as long as I'm not yet sick of the silence...

.. The isolation..

.. The echoe of my own voice..

.. The unfolded thoughts flooding my tinie winnie itsy bitsy brain.

How i just wish..

2005-11-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

Wow!! This day!! SHOX!! WAHAHAHAH!! Nakakatuwa!!

Nag-e-mail ako sa isang site na underconstruction para makajoin. Didn't expect much. I just want to have a profile there. Mark introduced me to that site and told me to e-mail and join. I did. Wahahah! Pahumble pa nga sa e-mail eh. It was last week when i sent my e-mail and they told me that the site'll be done on monday.

Well kanina, wala akong magawa. Tinignan ko site nila and to my surprise, isa ako sa 8 na pics na andun sa page. Walang laman yung site, pics lang naming 8. hahah! ewan ko ba. siguro di pa nagagawa. pero! hahah! flattering!!

PS: The site is www.crushkita.com

2005-11-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

Wow!! Friendful na ko na uli lahat ng classmate ko. Nice noh? Wahooo!!

Wala lang. Busy ako. Next time na magpopost. =)

2005-11-24T11:27:00.000+08:00

i never thought smart wifi broadband unlimited internet connection would be like this. the connection is failing me. everytime my enthusiasm of posting a new blog comes, the internet connection goes BOOM BOOM!! oh paksyetivity!! Smart is not providing me a good service. They are not simply amazing.

Well anyways, here's what happened.
Nov. 23, 2005

Wednesday. Today. Wowowowowow!!!

Another boring ordinary day. Tsk tsk..

I knew that Zje, one of my classmate who went on calling me "Kuya Rash", is older than me. She's now 16. Wuhooooooo!!

Our 1st-2nd grading period chemistry teacher during 2nd year told us that she'll be our chemistry teacher until the end of the semester/school year. wuhooooo!!

Okey, Grammar time, another work!

We have to write a composition with the theme "Stop Aids, Keep the Promise"

Wow!! ~~I'm too young for that~~!! Wahooo!!
Katamad na!

I give up.

I want to disappear.

Hide.

Escape.

Nov. 22, 2005

Tuesday. Another day. i found out that our Physics teacher walked out yesterday! Whew! Fortunately i was absent!

Loads of works to do!

~~Report on Wednesday.~~

Write 5 poems to be passed on Thursday.

Write a personal essay for that peace peace peace blah blah.

Another essay for that peace blah blah.

Fill up that booh booh baah baah form.

Nov. 21, 2005

Monday. Regular school day!! OOOOOOOOOHHH!!! So exhausting!! Still need some rest!!

After lunch, i went home. Slept till 8:00pm. Absent uli sa Physics, Genetics, at Grammar. Waw!!

Oh! Bertdei pala ni bespren. Wala lang. Madrama ung ulol!

Nov. 20, 2005

Physics Exam. Oh! What a BOOM BOOM!!

Scheduled 9:00 am. Sir Nash came at about 10 a.m. with the test questions not yet printed. We started 11:30.

The questions weren't difficult though. It's just that i wasn't well-prepared. I've been too lazy to study my lessons this month.

Oh! While waiting for sir to arrive, i and dee-dee(my co-dreamer) talked about our application for that silly four-week-institute. Planned to write the essay after the certificate to prove our membership in some organizations. oh well!

Nov. 19, 2005

Nothing happend. Some thoughts went on flooding my mind but i can hardly recall those. I'll just post it after recollecting.

Nov. 18, 2005

Wahah! Nalaman kong isa akong bully. Lolx!!

Umaga nung araw na yun, exam namin, umuulan. Lamig! Sarap maligo! Kaso hindi kami pwedeng magpabasa ni bespren. Wala lang. Sakit ulo namin dahil dun sa pressure and ebriting bowowowow.

Tapos hayun, wala kaming payong nun. Nakita namin yung isang first year na me dalang payong. Wahooo!! Hinoldap!! Ayaw pang ibigay kaya hayun, blinackmail namin. wahahah!!

2005-11-18T02:19:00.000+08:00

It's all about my tita.

Counting 3 days since the day she's gone.

It's hard for me to accept the truth that someone who had been there beside me for more than 15 years deserted me without farewell.

I treat my aunts as my own mother. all of them. no differences.

they spoil me. they love me. i know.

why she left is for our betterment. why she didn't say goodbye is for us. she doesn't want to cry. she doesn't want herself to, she doesn't want us to. she wants to be happy although we're now separated by distance.

i want to cry.

cry myself to ease the pain and guilt.

i can't accept the fact that she's already gone.

for about two years, i won't be seeing her. and i hadn't even kiss or hug her goodbye.

she left when i was in school. i know she wanted to say goodbye the night before.

but more than 15 years of knowing her, she doesn't want to disturb when she knows i'm in the midst of studying.

i'm sad. so sad.

knowing that our family wouldn't be the way it used to be.

i'm hating my biological parents.

my year-elder sister's already engaged.

my year-younger sister also.

my 2-years-younger sister is now in her adolescence period.

my youngest sister is now too old to be pampered like before.

my aunts are leaving one by one--

my youngest aunt's married.

my aunt[the one i'm talking of above] had left for abroad.

my first aunt-in-law already have lots of kiddos to pamper. no time for me. same with my uncle.

my second aunt-in-law had left us because of my youngest uncle. he had another wife.

my boy cousins are now growing. geeesh!! sneaking when our helper's bathing.

my only girl cousin is now playing with boys. oh sietness! already had 4 ex-boyfriends. malandi. tsk tsk!

we're not knit together though. ever since.

some of my uncles and aunts(4 of them, i think), in malaysia, and 3 here.

it's hard. indeed.

oh by the way, i don't care about my mother's family. i just don't love them. that's why.

more than a year from now, i'd be leaving their leiu when i'm in college.

for about 18 years from now, my engaged sisters would be marrying their foot-foots.

my eldest sister? i dunno. hope she's not going to be like the other.

years from now, we'd be separated. we'll have our own families.

see?

nothing's the same. everyone's changing.

i myself's changing.

i can't accept it.

i'm getting old.

it was like last month when i was in the 1st year of being a teenager. Four years to go and i'd be an adult.

i'd be striving to live myself.

to feed myself.

i don't feel like growing up.

somehow, i want the past to be back.

i'm not yet ready to say goodbye to childhood and innosence.

my bestfriend's leaving for US(if she can pass that exchange student program.)

my old friends, elementary classmates, the DOUBLE JRF RACKS, the B-HITS..

we don't have communications right now.

it's sad being me.

so sad.

i know nothing's going to be as they had been in the past.

our bunso wouldn't stay as a baby.

my parents wouldn't continue giving me much attention for they know i can stand on my own.

my aunts would have their own families. some already have though.

my sisters would be too old for us to sleep together.

my cousins, never mind them.

my most beloved grand ma, i know time would come that wwwwhhhheeew.. u know what i mean.

i feel alone.

i feel like giving up. giving up from my fight to stand high.

i somehow want all these changes bring me down and just see myself fall.

i try to stand alone.

i try to stay firm.

i try to hide my weakness.

i try to secrete from them the times i break away.

i try to let them see that i'm strong.

i'm not yet exhausted.

but i feel like giving up.

i'm alone. i think.

that's all. ciao.

2005-11-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

Hahah!! Lolx

ampf!! wlang kuryente.. typ2 lng..hahah..

hayun.. knina, net lng aq.. kng san2 napapadpad browser q s pagbasa ng mga blog.. heheh..

tpos biglang namatay kuryente!! sietness!! kya un.. sound tripping nlng muna aq nang biglang pumasok evil sister q s kwarto at cnbing me nghahanap sakin..

lumabas aq, hahah!! di pa ko nkakalabas masyado, naririnig ko na si jad.. ingay eh!! ung lalakeng un, ngjojoke nanaman.. corny!! hahah

tpos hayun, tinanong ni dianne kung andito university physics ko.. kako, gamitin q mmya, study aq.. eh un.. ibabalik nlng daw.. wihihih.. sana..

oh btw, kasama nila ang girlpren kong takot sa aso.. hahah!! eh ala panamang kuryente kya madilim sa daan, dami panamang aso kapitbahay namin.. tus hayun, hinatid q, akbay2.. heheh.. lolx.. nung dumating na kami sa sakayan ng tricy, hintay pa ng masasakyan. lolx! gabi n keia!!

punta pala silang campus ng college, papatutor.. dami nga rin ata kaming classmate dun eh. bukas na kase exam namin sa physics.. buti pa sila.. huhuh..

nakakuha ng tricycle si jad at dianne habang ngkkwentuhan kmi. hahah.. ngbuhbye na nun. 2s ayw pa tumuloy. buhbye uli. hinila q xa. wheheh.. kiniss q lng s pisngi. 2s tinulak ko acros da street. heheh.. watta stupid boypren. tsk tsk.. buti nlng wlang dumaan na tricy.. 2s hayun.. wala lng. napasaya lang aq.. lungkot q xe kanina pa.. ow sietness!!

yoq n tlgang ipost pa dito yun. por sure malulungkot nanaman ako pag nabasa ko uli. ngayon nga eh naaala2 ko nanaman.

oist, informal tong sulat.. heheh.. wla lng..

last day of exam. sietness!! hirap!! physics, eng3b(Lit.), arabic at research..

wala naman kaming itetest sa research, maglelecture pa nga lang ata kami eh.

pero physics, eng3b, at arabic.. hirap.. y?

physics: di ko maintindihan ang formula ng heat exchange. di kasi aq nakinig o nagbabasa ng book.

eng3b(Lit.): hirap ung isang poem.tssuuubraahh!! saka elements of poetry.review n nga lang un eh.meron na kami nung 1st yr. kaso nakalimutan ko, 2s hindi pa ko nakikinig sa explanations. been lazy these past few days.

arabic: ikaw banaman, pag-aralan ang grammar ng arab men eh pinoy ka!! sews!! hirap keia!! plus konte lang alam kong vocabulary.. arrrrgh

that's all. eat pa ko. gutom. sobra.

FORGIVE ME, I HAVE BEEN BAD.

2005-11-16T10:25:00.000+08:00

Hayun, my most beloved tita left without letting me know. xietness!! she left the house when i was in school. i'm guilty right now. i always yield at her when i'm not in the mood to answer her questions. i'm a bad nephew. tsk tsk.

I hate my attitude.

I hate myself.

although i don't show what i feel, i love her.

i wish i had the chance to say sorry and thank you.

oh sietness!!

she's so kind.

she's the number one person who's spoiling me. but i can't show her how much i'm thankful, how much i'm grateful, and how much i love her. sietness!!!!!!!!

that's all. can't write nymore. my guilt's killing me.
the chemistry and economics test gave me headache.
sietness!!

ciao

2005-11-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

Here i am, composing a prose for my blog again without any asurance that my internet connection would be back. i'm exhausted. totally. the exam's scheduled next week. it'd start on tuesday and end on friday. i hope so. i haven't started to review on any of our subjects yet. i'm worried. i regret spending my semestral break doing not-so-important things. i should've prioritized my studies above all.

My life during the break went in cycle. Wake up late noon, go online, eat, go online, take a bath, go online, eat, go online, then sleep late midnight. for about three weeks, i went on doing those. oh so boring!! i guess i'm now addicted to internet surfing. so addicted that i'm forgetting my duties as a student/scholar, my duties as a son, my duties as a teenager.

I think i'm no longer growing in height. almost all of the other boys in our class are now taller than me.

i regret not sleeping on time.

i regret having an unlimited internet connection here at home.

So here i am, worrying about our fast-approaching examinations. And here comes an additional worry. The application for the INTER-ETHNIC DIALOUGE AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION. Which is to be held in Northern Illinois University in Dekalb, USA. I'm not sure if i'm still applying for this thingy. it says, if an applicant is qualified, he/she'll have the opportunity to take field trips to Chicago,Springfield, and Indiana. He/she'll be staying(during the institute) at the Holmes Student Center Hotel for two weeks and will live with American families for two weeks.

Sounds cool, huh.

I've decided not to apply. but my bestfriend and bruce's convincing me.

i told them that i'm not qualified. cuz it says:

Criteria for the Selection of Youth Participants:

1. Demonstrated leadership skills

2. Demonstrated interest in community service

3. Strong academic and social skills

4. Strong commitment to peace and unity

5. Good english language skills

6. No previous significant and travel to the U.S. on a U.S. government-sponsored program.

see? i haven't volunteered in any community service. i haven't had any commitment to peace and unity. i'm not a leader. although i have been. i'm not qualified.

then they said, "wala namang mawawala kung susubukan mo,diba?"

"yah right! mapapahiya lang naman ako pag di qualified."

see, i'm not really interested in having a training institute on inter-ethnic dialogue and conflict resolution.i'm interested in the previlidges. the four-week stay in USA, the field trips, the allowance, and the two-week stay with an American family.

i'm just curious of what would it be like to have an american foster parents and siblings. oh so excited!! but i still am not applying for the said seminar. too lazy to compose a personal essay about me, of course, and another for my assessment of the peace and order situation in my locality and my involvement in peace-related activities in my school and community.

i read a sample-essay by Mr. Mobin Nuruddin Gampal, who i think is a teacher who(is) also applied(applying) for the said seminar. i don't know. i'm not sure.

but this man is big time!! ultra!! we're not the same. he's an intellectual who thinks of his community and spends his time joining several organizations for peace. i, on the other hand, is a happy-go-lucky-intelligent-"DAW" who's contented with high grades in school and doesn't care of those organizations outside school. i'm not qualified if that's the basis.

leadership skills, good english language skills, academic and social skills, chuchuchuchu..

skills that i think, if i'm not mistaken, are hiding in some part of me.

i admit. i can't say for now that i have those said skills.

i tend not to know. i care not. what the heck!? i'm not that inclined to social orgs and everything chuchuchuchu!!

well, it's all for now. i think. i dunno. i'm going to school. i'd just add some later if something interesting or whatever happened to me. ciao!!

PS: Please don't mind the mis spelled words above, if there is. it's just a typo. i think.

LIFE'S UNPREDICTABILITY

2005-11-12T12:54:00.000+08:00

Here i am again. writing, writing, writing. i'm not sure when my connection'll be back. but still, i'm composing journals for my blog. it's kind of boring without the net. oh so boring!! anyways,

i've realized a lot of things today. a lot of things.

i would say:

Life is short. instead of living it to the fullest, why not get ready for the life after death?

I woke up early this morning and saw the sky so bright. i realized one thing, God is indeed good and merciful. Of all the evilness i've done, here i am, once again facing a new morning full of excitement and predictions.

I have been bad these past few days, i have been so bad that i'm not even praying. it's not that i'm so lazy. i've realized that during prayer, i'm not concentrating on the prayer itself and the sermon. i'm always busy observing the people around me. and i don't think my prayer is accepted.

God, despite of the money crisis our family is facing right now, despite of the so-called-puppy-love problem i'm on, despite of the school pressure i'm feeling, is indeed good. thank you God.

So i was heading a bright new day. I came to school with pressure again. we're had four LTs today. Filipino, Economics, Algebra and Physics. No reviews for i was busy watching tv last night. Thank God, i managed to answer some questions and didn't ask for answers from my seatmates.

I was in school. Pretending that everything's normal(my heart is in sorrow because of someone). Soph came late and was even punished. We talked after that, heard a good news. "OUR" mom, tita thelma(as if i met her), is in the hospital. she's expecting to give birth to a baby. wooooouuuu!! we were happy. i wasn't really but i was happy for my bestfriend. it's really cute 'cuz today's their monthsary.

After recess, research time, Soph's dad called. He said that the baby's a girl and that she's chinita. We were happy and excited to go to the hospital. We waited for algebra class and then for lunch break. we went to the hospital. they were happy. the baby's cute. soph even said,"antangkad niya!! mas matangkad sakin!" then i replied, "ow? pano mo nalaman?! *lol*". then we went home.

at home, i was so busy trying to recall my internet portal username and password!! arrgghh!! forgot. fuckshit!!

then i began reviewing our physics lecture and went back to school.

the bell rang and Soph wasn't still around.

the test was through but wasn't still.

then i checked my phone, expecting a text message from "M", kuya paoh(i don't really know him, kuya-kuyahan.), or Soph.

I was happy. when i read the message, it was Soph's.

"Punkoy.. d aq MAkPASK punkoy.. its unfair punkoy! bt GNun..? hangsama nya!!!!!!!!!"

then another,

"Punkoy.. Ala n c shaira.."

Oh by the way, Shaira was the name of the baby. i was shocked. i let denzy read the message. and then the other classmates. so sad. tsk tsk!!

i wasn't really expecting it to happen. i thought we're still going to have many cuddling moments with the baby. uuuuhhhh..

i realized, though in a line nearly fading because of being overused, "Life is indeed unpredictable."

the line went on flooding my mind.

after the class, i and denzy went to our ex-teacher's shop to see if the framing for our physics project's already done. it wasn't. then we went to the hospital where Soph is.

we arrived. Soph was there standing near the door, not crying, not frowning, i can't describe her face. anyways,

so we were there, we asked here what happened. the conversation went on. after, we sat on the floor-like-stair, near the road. many passers by looks at us with a face full of doubt and confusion. i know what's in their mind.

"Scientian scholars, seating in an alley like beggars in uniform."

Oh well, that's us. so stupid. so crazy. it happens during friday. many stupid things happen during friday.

** walking under the rain when it's raining

** playing our invented game called "wetwet"

** playing "langit-lupa" in our feild

** tambay in an alley somewhere

but we have our reasons. we let our uniforms get dirty and wet cuz it's friday. we play under the rain cuz it's friday.

Oh enough.

Here comes another realization.

when i was crossing a highway, after a tambay in an alley, i nearly got bumped by a motor.

i am used to it. happened many times.

that's not the time i realized something. uncle sent me a text message asking me where am i.

replied, "pauwi n"

there i was, knocking at the gate. shu shu shu shu, the gate opened. alone. nyahahah! just trying to break the ice.

when i got inside my room, dad called, didn't care to answer it but instead, i went outside and let my aunt answer the phone.

i heard that my elder sister's going to be engaged. MALANDING BATA. Tsk tsk.

i realized something, "i'm really old now. two of my sisters(one older, one younger) are now engaged. soon, they'd probably get married, perhaps after or within 18 years from now they'll have a baby, get WASTED, their sexy bodies, porcelain skins, big boobies, large butts, the all-over head-turning beauty will soon fade. our memories when we're still babies will soon be buried in the graveyard of the past, not to be thought of, not to be recollected, blah blah blah.."

oh well, this is life, we must make every moments of our life treasurable, we should make all the bad happenings a lesson we can learn from, and we should make use of the lessons we learn through life.

our life has each spans. some, like my bestfriend's sister, short, and some, like my cousin's cousin's grandmother, long.
but whatever length our life spans may be, we shouldn't forget that God is up there, guiding us in our way to consuming those spans of our lives, and our friends and families, seeing get through all of the trials we meet on our way to death.

we can't say success. every human beings lead to death. no excuses. we must accept the fact.

ciao for now!!

STUPID

2005-11-09T00:22:00.000+08:00

Well nothing special today. First day of second sem., met my ~~ugly~~ classmates, roam around the campus and went home.

I slept at about 3:00am then I woke up at 6:00 a.m. it was raining. i had a hard time convincing myself to get up. 6:10 a.m., i was still in bed, waiting for my cousin to finish taking her bath. oh damn! she didn't go out until i started to get ballistic. i prepared my things while waiting. after a 30min. bath, i got ready, sipped some milk and looked for my shoes! argghh!! it wasn't clean yet. with dirty socks inside it. i cleaned it first then went outside and waited for my uncle. oohh.. so cold. i went inside again to grab my jacket. wushuu!

I arrived. lalalala.. i saw yen first. dadadah.. she was standing alone near the stairs.

sleepy me: pssssssst!! (hiding downstairs.)

yen: huy! gang!

sleepy me: **laugh laugh**

yen: puti mo ngayon ah! di kananaman siguro lumabas hano?!

sleepy me: tama!! hahah!!

yen: gago. may kasalanan ka pa sakin!

confused me: huh?! anu??

yen: ang ganda ng profile mo!!

confused me: whew.. kala ko kung ano na. ala pa si soph?

yen: la pa.

i went inside our room and found my classmates busy chatting. waaahh! i went out. not cool to see them. i waited for soph, stairing at the raindrops, reminiscing the past. waahh!!

finally, their van arrived. ow!! la paring nagbabago sa bespunkner in crime ko. itim, pandak,panget parin. lolx! pis awt soph! nyahahah!!

bell rang. chemistry time. no class. yey!! roam inside the campus agen. pasikat. nyahahah!!

bell rang. recess time. eat with my bespunkner. lolx!

bell rang. arabic time. sermon. waaaaaaah!! sermon, sermon, sermon.

bell rang. comp.ed. time. yes! free atlast!

we were told to clean the computer room. but as always, soph and i stayed outside and chat. trip again. pictorials. lolx!! waaahh!!

computer lab's already clean. went inside, lolx! we played a pc game, 'who wants to be a millionaire' so old. but soph started it. lolx! we managed to answer all. hahah!! although some answers were just guesses. lolx! we laughed, so noisy! fortunately, our teacher didn't get mad at us.

here's some of the pics while we were outside the comp.lab.

ginawa q lng shades of blue..astig xe pg gan2 color..prang..bsta lammo na..

hahah!! look at the i.d. tag. full of kaengotan. lolx!! gawing necklace ang chain, isabit sa chain ang key chain, itali ang i.d. tag. oh dba? lolx!!! loko-loko tlga ako. pramis!!

saka parang bata.. hilig sa lollipop.. heheheh

oh damn! lunch break, soph and i went home. the plan, don't go back to school. so lazy! i was sleepy. i had a feeling that our trigonometry teacher won't give us a test. luckily, my predictions were right. so i slept here at home from 2pm to 6pm. waaahh.. i'm sleepy again. the electricity just went down. so i think i'm just going to post this when it's back.

oh pakshet!! meron daw class bukas. sabi nila ARMM day, taina naman!! tatlong LT, wala akong nareview kahit isa. tapos yung dalawang LT na hindi natuloy kanina, yun pa ang nareview ko. tsk tsk!!

tanga

tanga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

it has been a while since i posted some thoughts here. i was just lazy for no reason. i had been busy profile browsing on friendster, looking for users qualified to be added to our account '-wOw pipZ-' and busy planning to start my review for the periodical exam. just planning though. i haven't started going back to some notebook yet.

.x.x.x.x.x.x.

I dreamt of being granted new lives. given chances to start a new life after each mistakes made. in my dream, i was a hero. capital h-e-r-o. HERO. the villains, i don't know personally. on my side was my family. my two sisters, my parents, and the other characters, i don't know.
I was fighting with a villain when i got killed. so tragic. a pitiful hero. after death, i travelled through a vast space inside a bubble-looking-fiction-vehicle. then i came to hell. my soul was being filtered there. the bad thoughts and memories was erased and after that was another journey and came to heaven. after a while, i travelled again and came back to life. so weird. someone's planning to kill me daw. but the angel of death promised me a third life. this time, i went home, got ready. hugged my mom and dad and cleansed myself. the assassin came. then i woke up.

i realized when i woke up that we only have one life and we must get prepared for the after death if we're aware of heaven and hell. we do bad things. even the preists and nuns commit mistakes. little evilness that can send us to hell. it's not like we're granted life after each death for us not to learn from our mistakes. there are still thoughts in my mind that i can't express in words. as usual.

ATE WAG PO

2005-11-03T03:30:00.000+08:00

Lolx!! nakakatuwa!! kanina habang nagrereview ako, me nagYM sakin na makinis, laki boobs at mgndang gurl!! wkakakakakak!! mag-offer banaman ng one night stand!! lolx!! she's old.. 19+ na ang age.. lolx

kakatuwa

TORTURE AGAIN.

2005-11-03T02:29:00.000+08:00

Sabi ng classmates ko, pag me class sa Nov. 7, sa Nov. 9 exam namin.

Pag ala, sa Nov. 16 pa. haaayy.. sana sa Nov. 9 na.

kase kung nde, darami pa ~~lectures~~ at quizes!! waaaaahh!!

MATOTORTURE NANAMAN UTAK NAMIN

Baka hindi muna ako makakapagpost ngayon hanggang next next week.

Hindi muna ako mag-iinternet[yun eh kung matiis].

May pinaplano ako para matiis ko ang net! bwahahahahhahahah!! i'll lock my pc in its bag and surrender da key to my aunt. lolx!!

diba?? kewl..

ahahah

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x

I hate my parents! I hate myself! arrrrgghh

I really hate them!! they're so unfair!! amfutfut nila!!

kung sino pa ang nag-aaral ng mabowts, yun pa ang di pinapansin!!

arrrrghh

yun lang!! tinatamad akong magpost.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

2005-11-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

Punyetang smart! pakshet sila!! i hate them!! ~~but i love their smart wifi unlimited broadband LAN connection!!~~ wwwwwwwaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!! pakshet sila!! ni hindi manlang nagpadala ng bill!! amfowtness!! tapos tatawagan lang ako, iinform na nasa line of suspension na ang account ko dahil two months nang hindi nakakabayad! duh?! hindi naman xe kaya sila nagpadala ng bill!! sabi nung nag-install dito, papadala lang ng bill tapos!!!!!!! arrrgghhh!! fuckshit!! san ba nila ako papanakawin ng one thousand nine hundred seventy six pesos?! gawin na nating two thousand pesos xe pamasahe ko pa papuntang smart wireless ctr.. o two thousand five hundread xe lakwacha kami ni bespren pagkatapos bayaran.. woooooiiiiii!!! arrrgghhh.. buti sana kung gaya pa nung dati.. nung dami pa ko pera.. nung tinatanggap ko pa bigay ng parents ko.. waaaaahh!! i'm trying to be independent panaman pero i guess

Mom, dad, i need your money right now!!!!!!!! padalahan niyo ko!! bilis!! minsan2 lang ako manghingi.. ngayon lang.. pagbigyan niyo ko.. lagi nalang xe sila.. lagi nalang sina sistur lalo na ung paborito niyong tabachinching na evil sister ko!! bilis na!!

Pakshet na buhay.. Kung bat xe hindi nagpadala ng bill ung bwiset na smart na un.. Pasenxahan tayo smart, dis is my blog and i can say whatever i want in my post.

PS: DON'T YOU DARE PITY ME

!

BUSY DAW AKO?? WENGKANG

2005-10-30T17:08:00.000+08:00

Hindi na ako nakakapagpost dito. Pakshet!! busy daw?! wengkang. hindi naman. katunayan,lagi akong nag-iinternet. wushuu!! wala lang. gumagawa ako ng mga poser account. wahahahah!! wakkang maingay!! lolx

.x.x.x.x.

I miss the old rashidi. sobra. The old rashidi that:
.. does well in school
.. participates in extra-curicular act.
.. pampers his baby sisters
.. gets the 'most-behaved' award at the end of the school year
.. hugs his mom and tell her 'i love you mommy'
.. asks money from his parents(hindi naman dahil sa mukhang pera ako. way ko yun ng paglalambing.)
.. asks for toys and fones from his titas and titos
.. hay!! marami pa!!

I hate some part of the new rashidi.
.. he hardly trusts anyone
.. now he only have one close-friend
.. he's not doing well in school
.. he's not participating in school act.
.. malaki na ulo. hindi na sumusunod sa parents
.. selfish. hindi shineshare pagkain sa kapatid
.. waaaaaaaah!! i hate myself!!

walang kwenta post ko. kasi wala ako sa mood magsulat.

bakit? antok na ako. pakshet!

yes! maaga akong inantok. surprised? lolz

pero gutom nanaman ako. midnight snack. maya na.

.x.x.x.x.x.x.

strange. nakatanggap ako ng message kanina. nakalimutan ko kung saang site.
chief executive officer daw siya ng isang company na naghohold ng fashion shows, mr contest pageant, and several parties. hindi ko masyadong maintindihan kasi barok ang pagkaenglish although formal yung message.
parang iniimbita niya ako na maging member ng company niya or something. hindi niya naman nilagay kung ano talaga ang pakay niya. pero may PS. sabi, nanghihingi pa ng pictures. waaaaah!! infairness, sosyal!! international ang company. proof:
Toll Free North America: 1-866-410-5787 ext. 59092 Toll Free North America: 1-866-327-8877 VP#. 3233328777Toll Free Europe: 00-866-410-5787 ext. 59092 Toll Free Europe: 00-866-327-8877 VP#. 3233328777Toll Free in Australasia: 0011-866-410-5787 ext. 59092 Toll Free in Australasia: 0011-866-327-8877 VP#. 3233328777Fax: (+1) 213 387-9205

oh diba!! lolx

hayun! la na ko masabi. bukas nalang. tC!!

PS: Palimos ng load..

SAVE ME FROM MY EVIL SISTER

2005-10-28T10:51:00.000+08:00

Tagalog nanaman ito. Ipagpaumanhin niyo nalang kung hindi gaanong malalim ang aking pananagalog. ipagpaumanhin niyo pero bangag uli ako.

Nasa gitna ako ng kasarapan sa aking pagtulog nang biglang may tumawag sa akin. Muntik ko nanaman ibato nang nakita kong si dad ang tumatawag. Sinagot ko na nang biglang namatay at nakita ko nalang na missed call. Lumabas ako ng kwarto. Dinala ko na ang cel xe alam kong tatawag pa yun uli. Pagkalabas ko, pinuntahan ko ang aking evil twin sister* sa kwarto niya nang makita kong wala siya. Nagtaka ako nang bigla kong maalalang mayroon silang klase. Nawala sa isip ko na maaga alis niya ngayon papuntang ~~Malaysia~~.
*i've mentioned 'evil twin sister' kanina. xe magkasunod lang kami. lagi kaming napagkakamalang magkambal. pakshet! amfanget kaya nun! fanget din ako pero bustah! ayokong icompare sakanya. she's crazy. she's naughty. she's maphoota. she's bustah!!!

Maya-maya, nagring uli ang cel.
Si ako: ellow (sabay hikam)
Dad: bat hindi ka sumama?
Si ako: exam na nga po kasi namin next week. (what a lier! s nov.14 pa exam.)
Dad: sayang. kelangan ka panaman. pano na to? (nagtaka ako kung ano un)
Si ako: saka nalang ba. sa christmas break nalang.
Dad: okei. sige na.
aaarrrgghh!! hindi manlang ako tinanong kung me pera pa ako! pakshet!

Kani-kanina lang, habang nagtatype ako nito, nagring uli yung fone. Mom ko naman ngayon ang nakasagot.
Si ako: ellow (mababang tono. antok.)
Mom: nak, bat hindi ka sumama?
Si ako: exam na po. malelate nanaman ako.
Mom: sayang yung pinagawa kong damit para sa party next week.
Si ako: wengk! di kasi agad sinabi. next time nalang.
Mom: okei. asa school ka ba ngayon?
Si ako: wala. sembreak nga diba.
Mom: ahh.. sige na nak me gagawin pako.
Si ako: okei. bye.

Ba't ba nila ako pinapapapunta pa?! Yah right, i'm their son. pero inisip kong hindi na nila ako anak nung 2002. iba na ako. i'm no longer their uniko iho. not anymore. i've started not to need them. not to need their care. not to need their love. not to need their money.

i'm trying to be independent from them. 'coz i know i'm not important anymore. i felt 'outcast' when they adopted my stupid-naughty-decayed-teeth-but-cute-little-boy cousin. they didn't even ask for my opinion nor care how i'll feel before adopting that shit. I'M JEALOUS BUT THEY DON'T EVEN SEEM TO GIVE A DAMN ON WHAT I FEEL!! IT HURTS ME KNOWING THAT THEY ALREADY HAVE A NEW BABY BOY!! PAKSHET ANG BATANG YUN!!
Lagi kong sinasapak ang batang yun. lagi kong binabatukan. makulit xe! hindi na siya nakuntento! inagawan na ako ng kapatid, inagawan na ako ng atensyon, inagawan na ako ng mana, inagawan na ako ng magulang, inaagawan pa ako ng pagkain. inaagawan ng laruan. binubwisit ako ng batang un!! i'm still feeling baby. ayoko pang maging big brother. kahit nga bunso namin binebaby pako. lolz!

Back to the issue. the title. SAVE ME FROM MY EVIL SISTER.

Marahil ngayon, malapit na siyang dumating don. baka nga nasa airport na siya. Sigurado ako, kung anu-ano nanaman isusumbong. Wala naman akong ginagawang masama sakanya. sinusubukan kong maging mabuting kuya sakanya kahit inside me, i want to grab her and let her taste my fist, get a stone and put it into her big mouth, crample her face and scratch it until it'll bleed, kick her ass and wrestle her. in short, kill her.
Uu. tao lang din ako. may mga nagagawang kasalanan. maliliit lang naman. hindi gaya ng kaphootahan niya. pero pag nagsumbong siya, sobrang pinapalaki niya. ineexage niya. Ang babaeng yun. Sinasagot ako pag sinesermonan ko. hindi ako nirerespeto. Nakakabadtrip!!!!!

EVIL WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH BECAUSE GOOD IS DUMB. Nagtataka siguro kayo kung bakit ko nasabi yun. Siyempre dahil sa ginagawa ng aking EVIL SISTER!! Para sakin naman, wala akong ginagawang masama sakaniya. Kaya ko lang siya sinesermonan o pinapagalitan xe ayokong mapasama siya. Pero kung makasumbong siya sa parents namin!! Yung mga parents naman namin na ubod ng ewan, pinapaniwalaan siya. siyempre. malamang. pano sila maniniwala sakin kung tahimik lang ako? walang kibo pag pinapagalitan, oo lang ng oo pag sinesermonan, hindi ako nagsusumbong sakanila. i'm so dumb!!

Can you save me from my evil sister??

if you want to see her, kemxar17@yahoo.com sa friendster.

Please. Do kill her when you see her. Thank you.

Oh by the way, feet off the keyboard please. Wash your hands. Thank you.

PS: Isama niyo narin yung adopted bastard na yun ha. Thanks uli.

SOSYAL BUT DUMB

2005-10-27T07:41:00.000+08:00

Kanina, nag-profile browsing ako sa friendster. Mostly mga tiga private school nakikita ko. nakakatawa pinaglalagay nila sa profile nila. Nakalagay sa may School, magara! Sosyal! pero ituloy mo lang pagbabasa at matatawa ka. pramis! me makikita ka sa profile nila na

"WE ROCKS"
[yeah! you rocks! lols]

"I WANT TO HAVE A FRIENDS"
[how bout an enemies?]

"Doesn't want to live high school"
[what he/she's trying to say is, he/she doesn't want to leave high school.]

"Kung kasama mo, hindi ka talaga mabobored."
[it's so bored here.]

"He can lure any girl she wants with his looks"
[anu kaya yun? sure ba siya sa sexuality nia?]

eto naman post sa bulletin.
"Yes! Thanks God! Sembrake na!"

[sembrake na. thanks you!]

Yung iba, nagtatanong pa sakin kung pano gawin ung profile. iba naman, nakikita ko nalang na kinokopya na codes ko. Anu kya un? Walang originality. Ignorant. Naturingan panamang mga blue-blooded. tsk tsk tsk.

Wag sanang magalit mga ibang tiga-private school na hindi ganon. o yung mga kaibigan ko. hindi ko naman nilalahat.

When we hear someone say that he's from ganito ganyan and the school he came from is a private school, well-recognized at magara, we tend to be amazed. mayaman. sosyal. cuties. Pero hindi ba ninyo naiisip na baka hanggang dun nalang sila? mayaman sila kaya nakapag-aral dun. lucky, aren't they? pero san kaya sila pupulutin pag naghirap? wala naman silang gaanong talino. mag-aartista ba sila? magmomodel? ah ok. tama! dapat lang. ang pag-aartista naman dito satin sa Pilipinas eh magpacute ka lang, sumayaw ng konte, kahit wala kang utak o hindi marunong mag-acting, sisikat ka na. Wala nang essence ang word na ~~artista~~. kasi iba na ang nakikita nating kahulugan sa panahon ngayon.

hindi ko sinulat ito para siraan ang mga private schools diyan. nanggaling din ako sa isang private school nung kinder at elementary ako. i just want to write my thoughts out. i'm not jealous. i'm proud that i'm a scientian. it's great to be one. you're adressed as a scholar. some would say you're a henyo[mahangin masyado pag ginamit natin ang term na genius].

muntikan na akong mag-aral sa isang private school nung first year. that school's so famous. but i chose to study at msu-science high school. i know sa mga science high school, pipitsugi lang ang amin. hindi kasi ako nakatake ng screening ng ~~Philsci~~ or ~~Regional~~. pero ok lang. ayos din naman samin. may monthly allowance pa. lols!

natatawa ako sa ibang taga private school. mas natatawa ako sa mga naeelibs sakanila. napakatanga naman nun. they admire dullness. nakakatuwa.

heto pa. well-diciplined daw ang mga tiga private school. malinis daw don. pero bat kaya mukhang wala namang nalalaman ibang mga students? hindi ito paninira ah. para sa iba lang naman. pagpapacute at pagpapasikat lang naman ata yung nalalaman nila eh. ang hilig hilig pa nilang mangutya sa iba kong kaibigan na scientian din. well hindi panaman ako nila nakcriticize. pero try nila kung gusto nila. huh! yung kambal kong si Ashdi ang harapin nila! antipatiko yun! sosyal! lolz!

anyways, diba we're sent to school by our parents to learn something? to enhance our knowledge? wuhla lang. nakakatawa yung mga pinag-aaral sa mga private school na wala namang natututunan.

so much for criticism. i'm not perfect naman eh. but naiirita lang ako sa mga tiga private school diyan na sobrang yabang na wuhla naman pinagmamayabang.

PS: Masasabi ko sa mga nagmamayabang sakin, "you're rich. you're cute. but are you intelligent enough?" bustah ako, "i may not be that rich, that handsome nor that intelligent. pero medyo proud of what i am. although i regret some things i made in the past. bustah!"

lols

pis awt

A VISIT FROM THE PAST

2005-10-25T19:40:00.000+08:00

Why is it hard to forget someone you've learned to love? I mean i really think she's just a friend now. no more, no less. but it's hard to forget that girl mentally. i mean i already stop thinking of her, i'm now inlove with someone. but still, her memories lingers on. maybe not in my mind. but there's still a part of me that loves her. is this really love i'm feeling for her? or the notion that i won't find another girl as wonderful as her?

I dreamt of her early this morning. In my dream, we had a date and were happy. as usual, sweet. we held each other's hand like as if there's no tommorrow(wala nga talaga dahil dream ko lang yun). we laughed and enjoyed the night not minding of the people around us. we sat and talked for a while. we told each other that we're still inlove and can't move on from the past. she spoke to her dad about something (her mom,her dad and his only brother was there). then i woke up.

I woke up with tears falling from my big eyes. with grief running through my veins. there's no reason to cry. but why am i? is it because i can't move on? she has a beau right now. i also have one.

I'm forgetting her. i'm not thinking of her. i'm moving on from our past. but why is she in my dream? what does that dream mean?

.x.x.x.x.

i remember last summer. *lols* i, my sister, her boyfriend, her boyfriend's friend and our cousin goes for a joyride every midnight(from 1:00am to 4:30am). we did that for three nights. *lols* enjoy! we steal our drinks and food from our mini-grocery. *lols* i hope we can do that again next week. yehey! *lols*

the reasons why i don't want to go:
** our exams will be held on the 2nd week of november.
** i dont have a complete copy of our lectures.
** the trip is tiring.
** our landline there was cut some time last year (the reason why i can't go oL)
** communication from phils will be difficult
From Phils. : Php 15/txt, Php 20/min.
From There : RM 0.2/txt, RM 1/min.
** most of all, i will miss my bhe's txt.

the reasons why i want to go:
** i can buy new contacts
** i can exchange phone with my sistur
** i can talk with my sis. she's the only one who really knows me.
** we can escape and have a joyride again.
** i'll be able to meet my sisters' new bfs.
** i'll be with my family.
dibaHHH??!!

PS: Ano kaya yung song sa commercial ng sunsilk?? pakipost naman yung title sa tagboard. thanks.

Got new pics. visit my photo album.

Click here.

I SAID NO. BUT DAD SAID GO.

2005-10-25T12:09:00.000+08:00

I was editing my myspace profile when my stupid sister entered my room(she didn't even care to knock). She handed to me her phone and let me talk to our father.

Si ako: Ah?! bat po?

Dad: Bat cannot be reached no. mo?

Si ako: Nakaoff po yung alam niyo na no. Hiniram kasi yung isang phone ko.

Dad: Sem-break niyo ngayon diba?

Si ako: Opo.

Dad: Hanggang kelan yan?

Si ako: November 7, me class na po.

Dad: Punta ka dito sa Friday. Pakuha kanalang ticket. Isama mo kapatid mo.

Si ako: Exam na po namin pagkaFirst day ng second sem.

Dad: Sandali lang naman eh. Uuwi ka rin agad. Cge na. Bye.

Si ako: Ok po.

Binaba yung phone. Nalungkot ako. Ayokong pumunta don. Nakakabagot! Nakakasawa! Ano ba kaya kasi'ng meron na hindi pwedeng ipagpaliban sa Christmas break o summer? Ipaparental na ba ako? Wag naman sana.

But I can't say no to my dad. i may have courage to ask him for something but i really can't say no to whatever he asks me to do. i'm somewhat scared of him. odd isn't it? he's my dad but we're not close. knowing that i'm the only son and he's the only male in the family can approach when i have problems, we must be close to each other. i mean we must not have a gap. but no. our father-son relationship's different from others. i have been sent here to study when i was i think at the age of 4 or 5. i only see him during summer and Christmas break since then. or when they visit me here. but even though my dad's not like others, i know he loves me. he has his own way of showing me that i'm special for them. not verbally. not by spunking me. but by buying me whatever i ask for.

Maraming naiinggit sakin. lagi raw akong binibilhan ng kung anu-ano ng parents ko. lagi raw may bago. Pero hindi nila alam na mas nakakainggit sila. Kahit na hindi sila binibilhan lagi ng mga bagay-bagay, kahit na hindi sila binibigyan ng malaking allowance, alam kong naipapakita sakanila ng parents nila kung gaano sila kamahal. Hinahatid sila sa school (minsan nga yung iba, sinusundo pa!), tinutulungan sila sa mga assignments nila, pag me sakit, parents nila naghahatid ng excuse letter, atbp. nakakainggit. ako nga, kahit may sakit, inuutusan lang na magpacheck-up. pag pumapasok sa school, either tito ko o driver naghahatid. assignments ko, ako lang mag-isa gumagawa. kawawa ako diba? PERO WAG MO AKONG KAAWAAN!!

Oo. alam ko. inaabangan mo na sabihin ko kung san ako pupunta. sasabihin ko pa ba? wengks. sa malaysia. lols! magpapadeport ako! hahah! lols! hinde noh! me passport kya ako! lols! lapit na nga iparenew kase lapit nang mapuno. wengks! hayan! mayabang nanaman ako.

.x.x.x.x.x.

Ano na kaya nangyayari sa gf ko ngayon? kasi hindi pa kami nagkikita mula nung saturday. lols. ngayong aalis ako, dapat siguro magdate muna. lols. pero wala akong pera. lols. magpapalibre ako sakanya. tama! lols! para mahug manlang niya ako at makiss bago ako umalis! lols!

.x.x.x.x.x.

PS: Wag na wag niong planuhing manghingi sakin ng pasalubong dahil wala akong pera.

I SAID I'M HANDSOME. DID I JUST LIE?

2005-10-24T12:27:00.000+08:00

Kanina when i was scanning the tv channels, napadaan ako sa abs-cbn. wengk! kapuso parin ako! ASAP palabas. ung birthday ni Bea Alonzo. her brother was there. ampanget! nakita ng tita ko.

Tita: Kapatid niya ba yan? Bat ampanget?
Si ako: Parang ako. Hahahah!

i mean parang ako,me kapatid na panget
Tita: Naku! Pagkakapal nitong pamangkin ko! feeling gwapo!

Natawa nalang ako. totoo rin naman. feeling gwapo. hindi ko naman ginusto na maging feeling gwapo. duh?! meron ba diyang feeling panget?! siyempre wala.

I hate myself! i'm the most unlucky person ever existed in this planet. i mean i hate everything about me!
i hate my nose cuz it's too big.
i hate my eyes cuz it's not singkit.
i hate my lips cuz it's too red
i hate my skin cuz it has pimples.
i hate my eyebrows cuz it's not makapal.
i hate my ears cuz it's too big
i hate my teeth cuz it's natural yellow
i hate my hair cuz it's curly! i cant let it grow long.
i hate my built cuz i'm so payat.
i hate my height cuz it doesn't fit my built.
i hate my legs cuz wala lang.

nag-iinarte nanaman ako. wala lang. i'm so stupid! i am trying to be a person i never am. but i was. i was gwapo when i'm still at the age of 5 or something. woah! artistahin na bata! i was somewhat chubby. but not fat.
but everything changed when i started having a poor appetite. xiet! gusto kong tumaba.
i look like a walking stick. a poste. a bb-q stick. a toothpick. A BAMBOO!!! damn! i stopped drinking clusivol when i was in third grade. i shifted to ever-living royal jelly. my doctor prescribed it. it enhances memory daw. it gives a child nice appetite daw. but nothing happened. so i stopped myself from taking those vitamins. then nagpabili ako ng cherifer! damn! nagmukha tuloy kawayan.
gusto kong magGym. pero wala akong kasama. kaasar! engot din kase parents ko! kung bat kase di nila ako ginawan ng brother na halos kaage ko lang!! pwoteks!
i'm so stupid! bleeeehhhhhh!!!

.x.x.x.x.

Nangako ako sa sarili ko na mag-uumpisa na akong mag balik-aral para sa pagsusulit namin. Medyo marami-rami narin ang mga napag-aralan namin. Masyado nang mahaba para ipagpaliban ko pa ang pagbabalik-aral.

Duh?! Wala kaya akong tulog kagabi. Ah ngapala,meron akong tulog nung dapit-hapon na. Pero mga dalawang oras lang. Matapos nun, gising ako hanggang Bukang liwayway kanina. Sabog ako ngayon. Masakit ulo ko. Ang pananagalog ko ay isang hudyat na hindi maayos ang utak ko.

Hindi ako nakatulog kagabi dahil sa isang tao. Nagmuni-muni lang ako habang nagdadownload[pasensya.di ko alam tagalugin.] ng mga kanta sa internet. Sabay edit narin ng mga litrato ko. Iniisip ko kasi yung taong yun.

Yung taong mahal ko na yun. Yung mahal ko na yun na parang niloloko ako. Bakit? Wala lang. Totoo niyan, nagseselos ako. Naiinsecure[pasensya uli] ako. May lumapit kasi sakanya na kung ano-ano pinagsasabi. Inaway ko yung lumalapit na yun. Tinanong niya ang mahal ko kung sino ako. Kung bakit ako nakikisagot eh wala namang panama ang itsura ko sakanya. Hindi ako nasasaktan. Hindi lang matahimik ang utak ko. Maraming tanong ang gumulo sakin.

"Ganon ba talaga ako kapanget?"

"Bagay ba talaga kami"

"Karapat-dapat ba talaga ako para sakanya?"

"Hindi niya kaya ako ipagpalit sa mga yun?"

At dahil sa mga tanong na iyon, isa pa ang maslalong nakapagpalungkot sakin.

"Mahal niya nga ba talaga ako o pinag-lalaruan lang?"

Sana masagot niya itong mga tanong ko. Sana yung mga nauna kong tanong, sagutin niya nang hindi dahil mahal niya ko o kinakaawaan. Sana sagutin niya nang hindi nagsisnungaling.

.x.x.x.x.

I have been receiving negative compliments recently. I can't help myself but get sad and think that i'm such a looser.

I think that i should get use to negative compliments and stop addressing myself as handsome or feel superior. Stop shedding some tear when negatively addressed, stop criticizing people, stop being too frank, and sort.

This is my third post with the thought that's about the negative compliments i receive, the insecurities i feel, the inferiority/superiority i'm feeling for my looks. This is the last.

WAIT::::::::: Also keep in mind that God loves those who stays on the ground after all the blessings He had given.

"Let them bring you down and God will lift you high."

.x.x.x.

PS:

i cant even

cuz i really really miss my

angel, please

SMS/E-MAIL/YM me..

i got plans. hope it works.

2005-10-22T18:06:00.000+08:00

i'm so sick of myself. i'm tired. i feel so left out. so thorn. so broken. nyeks. corny na.

otei. ganito yun. nahihiya na ako sa mga tao. ang yabang yabang ko. feeling ko kung sino akong gwapo. feeling ko kung sino akong matalino. feeling ko kung sino akong mayaman. damn! grabe pa nga kung makalait ako at magpahiya ng tao! hindi naman ako ganito kayabang dati. until nag-umpisa akong makatanggap ng mga compliments.

konektado ang post kong to sa kahapon. i mean sa nauna. hindi lang kasi maalis-alis sa isipan ko kung gaano ako nagmukhang looser. kung gaano ako nagmukhang katawa-tawa sa harap ng iba.

nakakahiya.

naniwala ako sa sinasabi-sabi ng mga mambobola sa paligid ko. hindi ko naman po sinasadya. madali lang talaga akong maloko. at isa yun sa mga bagay na kinakasuklaman ko sa pag-uugali ko.

heh! weshew! tama na!

masasabi ko po sa bhe ko,

"sorry po kung lagi akong naiinsecure sa mga lumalapit sayo. i guess i'm not good enough for you. maswerte ako sayo. but i dont think that you're lucky with me."

sa mga nanlalait sakin,

"sige. lait pa kayo. napagdaanan ko narin yan. you'll realize one day."

sa mga naniniwala sakin, mga patuloy paring namumuri,

"salamat po. pero sana tama nalang yung isang beses ko nalang marinig yun para hindi na lumaki pa ulo ko."

pinipilit kong wag palakihin ulo ko. pinipilit kong maging humble. ayoko nang maniwala pa sa mga pambobola. just tell me if you need something. wag na yung nambobola pa. weshew!

.x.x.x.

haayy! lapit na exams! kanina, triny ko magreview. wengk! research daw ba ireview! di siyempre wala kaming lecture ngayong second grading. tinignan ko lang notebook ko. lolz! wala lang.

wengks! medyo nakakatamad pa magstudy. pero pramis! try ko masunod ang

SCHEDULE:

Saturday: Research
Sunday: Science3c(Physics 2)
Monday: Science3b(Chemistry 2)
Tuesday: Science3a(Biology 2)
Wednesday: Math3a(Algebra 2)
Thursday: Math3b(Trigonometry 1)
Friday: English3b(Literature 3)
Saturday: English3a (Grammar 3)
Sunday: Filipino 3
Monday: Social Studies3(Economics)
Tuesday: Arabic 3
Wednesday: HMT3/Comp.Ed.1

Thursday,Friday,Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday: Review sa mga namemorize ko.

.x.x.x.

Hindi talaga ako makatulog! xiet! it's 3 in the morning and i'm still awake! i'm hungry! lolz! lagi naman eh! di nga lang tumataba! wengks! tata for now..

i'm a normy with imperfections

2005-10-22T14:28:00.000+08:00

honestly, i really think i'm handsome. Well who'd not think so if there are so many compliments and comparisons with several big,big,big stars?

eh ikaw banaman sabihan na:

--hawig ni jericho rosales

--hawig ng star sa frog prince

--hawig ng star sa full house

--hawig ni rafael rosel

--kailong ni jerry yan

--hawig ni railey valeroso

i mean c'mon! halos araw-araw ko nang naririnig yan. and my friendster profile's full of testimonials saying i'm ganto ganyan, i look like ganto ganyan, i'm a certified ganto ganyan.

but in contrary to that, i am starting not to give a damn to compliments right now.

kahit pa instructive o distructive ang mga yun.

a big "why?" might be flooding your mind right now.

kasi i thought it's all true. but several people, in contrary with few, doesn't seem to agree.

some would even talk behind my back and say negative things about me.

but then, i keep on telling myself that they're just insecure and jealous.

but i am still in doubt. i'm still confused.

i'm not sure if i'm handsome or not.

"beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

as they say.

well it explains why some people tend to go against few.

it doesn't mean that when someone sees me as ugly, i'm really ugly.

for some, i'm handsome 'cause that's what they think.

but honestly, i seem to disagree to that saying.

i myself think that if i thinks i'm handsome, i really am for all.

but i myself, is a negative thinker.

some disagrees with the good compliments given.

i move to believe them. they're right.

the positive siders are wrong. so wrong.

so now, i'm starting to disagree with good compliments.
they'd just make me feel good about myself.

so good that i'd even think i'm perfect. that i'm superior.

where infact i'm not.

i'm inferior. i'm a normy. i'm even nobody. that's the truth.

i'm just trying to be superior. trying to be perfect. trying to be somebody.

that is, i think, the craziest idea i'd ever thought of.

well sticking to the negative side could be much better.

imagine, i'd think i'm ugly. i'd be humble. a lot of people'd love me for that.

agree? and secondly, God loves beings who puts their feets unto the ground.

right?!

but i'd just vow a thing. xiet. todo na to.

"I'LL TRY TO DO THE BEST I CAN FOR THIS UGLY DUCK TO TURN INTO A GORGEOUS BUM"

well i think it's so much for now. i'm so sleepy.

WAIT::::::::: One tiny Q. Am I really that ugly??

and oh! classmates, can i borrow Panitikan, Physics, Noli, Biology, Chemistry and Literature books and notebooks?? La akong copy ng mga yun eh. pramis! pahiram. text niyo nalang ako kung meron kayo. tc!

.survey.sa friendster toh.

2005-10-21T11:50:00.000+08:00

huling taong kinausap mo?
.My lola

may nunal ka ba sa braso?
.Opew.. s right

kamusta ka naman?
.Well i'm hapi wit my lablife.
ano nasa paligid mo?
.Ryt:pillow,hat
Left:digicam,fone,lampshade
Up:aircon
Down:bed
Back:headboard
Front:laptop
Ayan! kumpletows. =Þ
may alaga ba kayong pusa?
.Wla.i h8 animals.d q kyang humawak ng khit anong hayop.
malamok ba dyan?
.Ndi nmn pew.
marunong kang kumanta?
.I know how to sing.but it doesnt com out wel.hahah.
kelan ka huling natawa ng malakas?
.Huh? nung me klase.d nmn aq mxadong ngsasalita d2 s bhay eh.i'm olweis insyd my room.
huling napanood mo sa tv?
.Waahh!! encantadia. kgbi. nod aq uli ngyon. stig eh!
huling tinext mo?
.Bhe q.
describe youself in ONE word.
.Pompous.wahahah.nde.eto: Makapal
huling ginawa mo bago matulog?
.Nagtext.wahahah!katawa nga nangyari. basahin nio s blog q. wahahah.
nakapunta ka na ba sa cebu?
.Waxxxx!d aq hnntay ng mom q!bwiset xe skul nmin!kng bat l8 ngbakasyon!
huling inutos sayo ng magulang mo?
."Tiis2 muna nak ah.la p tyong pera ngyon.bilan kta fone pagngkapera n tyo uli.study k ng maayos jan."
magulo ba dyan sa lugar nyo?
.Ndi nmn.pispul nga eh.lol.panget nga lng.
may bf/gf ka ba ngayon?
.Meron aq both! lol! joke! gf lng.

nakapunta ka na ba sa malabon zoo?
.Aq pah?! i live there. lol!
huli mong kinain?
.Saging.
huli mong ininom?
.Milky wow wow wahahah lol
huli mong kinanta?
.Xiet.nu nga bah? ah 'how did i go right'
naka-experience ka na ba ng lindol?
.Uu.

kelan ka huling sumakay ng elevator?
.Kelan nga b? when i was in mlaysia cguro.wahahah.wlang elev8or d2 s tawi-tawi.
anong gagawin mo bukas?
.Magsstart n qng mag-aral for the exam.bleh.
huling tumawag sayo sa phone/cp?
.My dad.
huling nagbigay sayo ng testi?
.D q kila2.bsta asa friends list q xa.aheheh.
huling binigyan mo ng testi?
.My cousin Aaron Garcia. lol!
ano palabas sa tv ngayon?
.24oras d2 s kwarto q.s labas, TV patrol.lol
anong oras ka natutulog?
.1am.
ano sinasakyan mo papasok?
.Car namin.duh?!
kumakain ka ng bayabas?
.Uu nmn.
nagka-sore eyes ka na ba?
.Nun bata.ewan ko lng kung sore eys ung s 2nd yr.
kelan ka huling nagswimming?
.Sa pool? sa bhay nmin s zamboanga.
S beach? nung birthday ng gf q.
ano sinusuot mo pag natutulog?
.Boxers at white t-shirt.
kumakain ka ba ng ampalaya?
.Ayw tlga.Pro tntry q.
may malala ka bang sakit?
.Ulcer, malaria Palci. un lng.
anong ginawa mo kaninang 8am?
.Wahahah! tulog pa ko nun.
may damit ka ba na ang brand ay bench?
.Uu.Pro s bhay ko lng cnusuot.Malalaki xe small size nla eh. lol
guess?
.Halos lhat. lol
blue corner?
.Wah! brand un ng mga white tshirt q n panLoob s uni4m. lol
kelan ka huling nagpagupit?
.Nung last day of august.
nakagat ka na ba ng aso?
.Uu.C Dalaga.Ung aso namin sa La Union. lol! mtgal n un. PinagLaruan q xe anak nia eh. lol
nasan ka kaninang 3pm?
.D2 kwarto.net.
kelan ka huling nakakita ng rainbow?
.After ng rain,lagi aqng nkakakita.
madalas ka bang magchat?
.Yep.Pro tntmad n q ngyon.
nakitulog ka na ba sa bahay ng friends mo?
.D p.
fave radio station mo?
.D q nkikinig s radio.
kelan ka huling na-badtrip?
.Ngayon.
nakapunta ka na ba sa megamall?
.Duh?! Cno bng nde?!
nakasakay ka na ba ng pampasaherong bus?
.Mtgal n un. lol
ano huli mong napanaginipan?
.Me kfrench dw aq. lol
ano madalas mong pinapanood sa tv?
.Mga plabas s jack. lol
san ka ngpnta nung new year?
.Dun lng s bhay nmin s zambo.
may kaaway ka ba ngayon?
.Parang gnon n nga.
sa tingin mo may nagagalit sayo ngayon?
.Pakelam q kng glit cla?! d nmn spexal skin eh. Hell wit 'em. Bsta ndi glit mga
taong spexal skin, k lng.
san mo gustong pumunta sa ngayon?
.San ba? dun sa bhay ng bhe ko. lol
masungit ba kapitbahay ni0?
.Lang pakelamanan d2 samin.

anong kulay ng bag mo?
.Black.Ung isa, cargo green.D q xe nkita ung black version nun eh.Xiete.

what else can i post?!

2005-10-21T07:25:00.000+08:00

i'm bored and i can't seem to find anything else to do. our 3-weeks-sembreak's starting this week. after this will be our exams. kakabagot. wala akong magawa. pero dapat magstart nakong mag-aral.

waaahooooowww!! kagabi, katext ko bhe ko. hawak-hawak ko phone. hindi na nga ako nakareply sa ibang text niya xe nakatulog na ko. hindi ko na xe namalayan. nakatulog na ko. waaaahhh!!

pagkagising ko kanina, mga 9am, nagulat ako. aabutin ko na sana fone ko sa tabi ng unan nang wala ito. nagtaka ako. xmpre. kase sanay ako na dun lagi un. hinanap ko, pero wala sa bed. wala sa divider. wala sa desktop. wahahah! naisip ko na hawak-hawak ko lang un bago makatulog.
eh bat bigla nalang nawala? xux. kala ko pinakelaman ng kapatid ko.

naghalungkat ako pero wala parin. nung binuhat ko kama ko, nakita kong asa baba. xiet. naihagis ko habang natutulog! wahahah! kawawa naman! pero asteeg! walang nabasag, nakaON parin xa. wahhahah.
enough for the cellphone.

kaninang umaga, nag-iicp ako kung ano'ng mailalagay ko dito sa blog. kung ano'ng maipopost ko nang maalala ko nung 1st hanggang 3rd week ng september. Hotpic ako sa www.pic-link.com.
hindi ko alam kung ano'ng meron sa site na yun. basta gumawa lang ako ng account. uglyducky nga ang username ko don. kakatawa. uglyducky pero hotpic.

uu. ako ang male hotpic for about 2-3 weeks. medyo matagal-tagal din. dahil sa nangyari, may lumapit[or shall i say nagmessage] na bisexual na model. waaaaaaaahhh! i wont mention the name.
nagtatanong siya kung pwedeng manligaw. kako, straight ako. and i have a girlfriend. but i'm open. we can be friends. ayun. friends lang kami. tapos sabi niya, sabihin ko lang if ever na magbago isip ko. wahhahah!

marami pang lumalapit sakin na bisexual don. karamihan mga model. naasar ako. kaya dinelete ko account ko na naging dahilan kung bakit ako natanggal sa male hotpic. xiet. at ang pumalit sakin, yung adamw3st ang username. ampanget. wahahah. medio nainis nanaman ako. kaya gumawa ako uli ng account tapos nag post ng journal.
"waaahh! bat panget pumalit sakin sa hotpic? i'm uglyducky. the former hotpic. dinelete ko na ung account ko na un. just made a new one to post this journal."
maraming nag-agree sakin na user. hindi raw karapat-dapat ung user na un na maging hotpic.
xiet. wahahah. wala naman akong pinagsisisihan. wala rin namang nawala sakin.

waaahhh!! pagkatapos kong maisip yun, may pumasok nanaman sa isip ko.
ang manliligaw ng kapatid ko na model ng guess. ang gwapo pero bat kaya niya hindi sinagot? gaga talaga kapatid ko. tsk tsk..

me naisip nanaman ako. bat ba kaya naiisip mga model? wahahahah!! asef! malamang kasi gusto ko maging model. so far, me offer na pero dapat asa Manila ako! waaaaaahhh!! noh un? iiwan ko studies ko? kaya yun, sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, marami pang darating. but for now, i hav to finish my studies. xiet! whahahah!

wui! interesting talaga ang Genetics! grabeh! isa narin ata yun sa mga paborito kong subj. eheheh.

well, that's all for now.

wala nanamang kuwenta post ko. ganon kase buhay ko. walang kwenta. hindi interesting gaya ng iba. waaah!! so much for now. buhbye.

-- my teeth --

2005-10-19T02:19:00.000+08:00

bow.

when i was younger than 14, wala lang sakin ang ipin ko. normal lang. feeling ko nga, ampanget panget. yellow kasi kung titignan. pero sabi ng dentist sa manila, ok daw ang yellow. strong. makapal lang daw ang outer layer kaya ganon. then i started using simply white. ahahah. nice. but when i went to malaysia, nagpacheck-up ako sa dentist ng mga kapatid ko. nagandahan siya sa teeth ko. straight daw. puti. hindi masyadong malaki. hindi masyadong maliit. ganto oh:

"adik,ko punya gigi,semporna." sabi niya. hindi naman adik as in addict. sa kanila kasi, ang k, binabasa as h. satin,babasahin yan as adih. ah basta. meaning niyan, "toy, amperfect ng ipin m." xiet. surprised naman ako. anyhow, ang pinunta ko dun, magpalagay ng retainers[sa mga hindi nakakaalam nun, yun yung parang braces na walang kwenta.pang-arte lang.hahah.] o braces. bastah. kahit ano sa dalawa. kung alin don ang inadvice ng dentist, un ang ipapalagay. sabi naman nun, retainers kaya retainer nalang. sabi ng mom ko, nakakabulok daw ng ipin yung ring nun. hindi ako naniwala. banat lang. yun nga. nung nagkaron na ko, 3 days akong hindi nakakain dahil nangingilo. ouch. lahat ng ipin ko, feeling ko matatanggal na. eto itsura nun oh:

x-x-x-x-x ang design. asteeg!

wala lang. natapos ang three days. di na masakit. ang kyut. heheh. may silver ang ngipin. tapos un. lagi kong pinaglalaruan ung stainless. kinakagat-kagat ko. hinihila-hila ng dila. hanggang sa isang araw, sa school, pauwi ako, nabali. xiet. malaking sisi. pero hinde. nagpagawa parin ako. unfortunately, nawala sa cel ko ung pic na yun ang gamit kong retainer. pero ang design,

medyo ganyan pero maliit yung vertical bars. xiet.
pinaglalaruan ko nanaman. hanggang sa mabali.
ahahah. matapos nun, di na ako nagretainer pa.
pero meron pang natira sakin. ung pambaba.
di kasi nabali. heheh. paminsan-minsan ko lang kase ginagamit yun.
panget kasi. ganto design oh:

eh ngayon, ano na nangyari?! xiet. bulok isa kong ngipin.
pero yun don sa loob. xiet. sakit!
pti ulo ko,sumasakit. xiet! yun lang.
bye for now.

WAIT:::: Hoy Soph, naubos na yung binili nating mentos cherry nung nag-allowance. sarap kasi! wala akong mautusang bumili ngayon.
xiet. miss ko na yung candy na un. sarap! try ko bili bukas. potek! u heard me right! magggrocery ako mag-isa! odd noh? hahah. tata!

-- love --

2005-10-19T00:59:00.000+08:00

hahah. kakatawa ang love. minsan, kung mahal ka ng isang tao, hindi mo naman siya mahal. minsan naman, pag mahal na mahal mo, hindi mo alam kung seryoso siya sayo.

may mga times na nakikipaglaro ka sa love. meron din naman, pinaglalaruan ka ng love. masaya makipaglaro sa love. pero masakit pag ikaw pinaglaruan.

yun bang mahal na mahal ka ng isang tao. naging kayo kse sabi mo sa sarili mo, tuturuan mo siyang mahalin o nakakaawa naman, pagbigyan. tapos eto, nakahanap kanaman ng taong mamahalin mo. yun bang tipong pang-habang buhay na. di iniwan mo na yung pinaglalaruan mo.

masaya na diba?? nakahanap ka na ng mamahalin mo. eh ang kaso, mahal ka rin ba niya? i mean oo, sinabi niyang mahal ka niya. pero totoo ba?

nakakatuwa. nakakaiyak. xiet. diba ang sakit nung tinatawag nilang karma?

mahal ko siya. sobra. higit pa dun sa ex ko na sobrang sineryoso ko. xiet!! ansakit!!

sabi ko na dati. ayokong lubus-lubusin pagmamahal ko sakanya.

sakanya narin nanggaling na madali siyang magsawa.

pero hindi ko yun inintindi. pinabayaan ko lang.

malay ko, baka magbago siya dahil sakin. potek. tangama.

nagpromise siya na walang iwanan. uu. hindi nia naman ako iniwan.

pero parang anlamig-lamig niya na sakin. xiet. i need mmmmmm.. siyete!!

pero sabi niya,nagbago na raw siya. hindi na raw siya madaling magsawa gaya nun dati.

pero bat anlamig-lamig niya na? hindi manlang nagtetext. hindi nag e-e-mail.

hindi ko na kasi kayang magising hanggang 12:00am. eh wala panaman siyang net card.

free daw kasi siya pagkapast 12. i miss mmmmmmmm... sobra.

pero hinde. siguro hindi siya nanlalamig. hindi panaman kami nagtatagal eh.

magwa1 mo. palang. siguro hindi siya text addict gaya ko. malamang.

o baka iba way niya ng pagpapakita na mahal ka niya.

ako kase, gusto ko pag mahal ako ng isang tao,

..ung lagi akong tinetext/e-mail/ym..

..lagi akong knkmusta..

..iniingatan ako..

..tinitreat ako na parang glass.fragile..

..ung ako lang,hindi xa magpapaligaw..

..hindi siya masyadong makikipagfriends..

seloso ako.

spoiled kase.

hindi lang ng parents ko. pati aunts and uncles.

only son kase.

eldest pa sa boys saming magpipinsan.

kaya nagkaganon.

bwisit.

panget life ko.

boring.

unfair. or shall i say fair.

-- xiet.chokolait --

2005-10-18T11:15:00.000+08:00

xieT!! srap srap ng nestle chokolait!!!
yesSS!! mwuah!! mhal ko n xa!! ahahah!!
xieT!! saraaPPp!!

aHAhah..

toToo nian,wLA lng aqng maipost kya e2 nLng..

aHEHEh..haNap munA aQ ng maipPost ah..tC!!.mwuaH!!

-- another boring day --

2005-10-17T12:44:00.000+08:00

ayyy. sem-break na nga talaga. boring nanaman. 3rd time ko nang makalasap ng semestral break. palibhasa, walang ganito sa dati kong school. sa notre dame. medyo masaya rin naman mag sem-break. kaso di ako nakakapagbakasyon samin. kase naman two weeks lang. ayoko na! miss ko na angel ko! kabagot naman oh! di pa siya pwedeng mag-oL. pinagalitan daw. huhuh.

sana man lang tinetext ako. pero hindi eh. huhuh. breakan ko na kaya? wag! di ko kaya eh. xiet!! iyak na ko dito! lagot kah! di ako titigil! bala ka! huhuh. eh bastah. wala lang. wala ko masabeh.

kasem-break sem-break,mag-aaral ka para sa exams. xiete! kung batet kase hindi pa nag-exam last week! ok na sana, konti lang lectures. eh kaso kuripot masyado teachers namen. they're so mean! waaaaah! wag sana tong mabasa ng member ng faculty o member ng sipsip sa faculty! ahahah. pasensyahan tayo. blog ko to. i can post whatever i want. nax! tapang, eh noh?! ahahah loko lang po.

-- Today --

2005-10-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

Wala naman po akong ginawang exciting today.

Dito lang ako sa bahay tumambay. Buong araw.

Natulog ako kaninang umaga. Mga 2pm na nagising.

Tapos internet lang mula 2pm hanggang ngayon.

Nag-edit ako nitong blog ko. Nag-edit ng mga profile.

Gumawa lang ako ng account sa friendmints.com.

Inedit ko tong background image ko. Yun lang po.

Saka nakipagchat din sa ibang classmate.

Ngayon po,may blog na ako na pang-problema.

Eheheheh. La lang. sige po. hanggang dito nalang.

ingats.

-- mMmMm --

2005-10-15T17:31:00.000+08:00

.SoBrA.

-- semBREAK --

2005-10-15T14:35:00.000+08:00

kanina, nagpaalam na ako sa one and only bestfriend ko.

three weeks kasi kaming hindi magkikita. uwi sila sakanila.

tapos baka uwi din ako sa malaysia o zamboanga. lungkot nun.

walang kalokohan-to-da-max for three weeks. diba? lungkot.

last na kasi kanina class namin para sa first sem. masaya.

hindi ko makikita ang mga classmate kong panget.

[wag nang umangal pa.panget din naman ako.fair lang tayo.]

pero tagal nun. kakabagot. tapos pagbalik,exam na.

pero isang bagay pa ang hindi ako sure.

may class pa ba sa monday?

sabi kasi nila,meron. sabi naman ng iba,wala.

pero kung may class man,magpapadala nalang ako ng excuse letter.

hindi ako papasok. uwi na kasi sakanila c soph bukas.

eh siya lang naman kakampi at lagi kong kasama at napagkakatiwalaan sa class.

ayoko pag wala siya. boring. walang kulay ang buhay pag hindi kumpleto ang BP.

so yun. sem-break na namin. time na para magrest. at para mag ready sa exam.

kapagod isipin. dami masyadong imememoryz. buti nalang natapos na unt thesis title ko.

nadefend na. aprovd naman sa awa ng diyos.

pero may proposal

[wala akong kahit isang clue kung ano ang gagawin].

pa sa february. february panaman yun.

-- Best --

2005-10-14T13:20:00.000+08:00

i have the best partner in crime.
may mga panahon talagang hindi ka dapat magtiwala sa iba.dapat sa sarili mo lang. dapat wala kang isiping pinagdaanan.hindi ko maikakaila na malungkot gawin yun.siyempre nagpromise ako kay soph na sasabihin ko lahat.malaki tiwala ko dun.at hindi naman niya yun sinira.hindi siya ang problema kundi ang ibang tao sa paligid namin.'wag sanang magdamdam ang ibang kaclose ko sa classpero sa mga nangyayari ngayon, isa nalang talaga naaasahan ko.c soph. ang bespren ko na kahit mali-mali na pinaggagawa ko,andiyan parin sa tabi ko. wala akong gustong maoffend sa ipopost ko na to.

gusto ko lang mailabas nararamdaman ko. masakit.

masarap feeling ng maraming kaclose sa class.pero hindi lahat totoo. hindi lahat pure.may plastic.oo.plastic.paclose-close pag kaharap mopero iba rin pinagsasabi pag nakatalikod ka.

doble kara kumbaga. schizoid.

yung isa matalik mong kaibigan.yung isa naman malaki mong kaaway.kung sino man ang makakabasa nito,classmate ko man o hindi,wala akong isang taong pinaparinggan. guni-guni ko lang.bato-bato sa langit,ang tamaan wag magalit.kumbaga.

meron naman,akala mo andiyan daw lagi pero wala naman pag kinailangan mo.yun bang magkaramay kayo sa lahat. pero parang hindi. **tsk,tsk**masarap isipin yung ganon. un bang"ah..yang si rash..matagal na kaming magkakilala niyan..lagi nga kaming nagdadamayan eh..lagi kaming andiyan para sa isa't isa.."yun bang ganon.pero totoo nun,magkaramay lang kayo pag may problema siya.lagi kayong nagdadamayan sa problema niya.magkatabi lang kayo pag mag-isa niya.pag kinailangan mo na,wala siya.pero lumingon ka't makikita mo rin siya.siya na andoon sa kampo ng nagbibigay sayo ng problema.mangayari kaya yun sayo, matutuwa ka ba???hindi noh?? sa akin, wag naman sana.i mean wag sanang maging totoo kutob ko.

masaya magkaroon ng maraming kaibigan.kakatuwa.

kakagaan ng loob. pero para san pa ang mga kaibigan kung pakitang tao lang?

ngayon, i'm glad na kahit papano, may bestfriend akong hindi nang-iiwan.

laging andiyan.

sure ako don. no doubts.

totoong kaibigan.

mahirap makipagClose-closean sa taong walang tatak true friend.puwede ka niyang siraan. puwede ka niyang gisahin sa sarili mong mantika.

that's all. thanks for the time.

-- My Course --

2005-10-12T23:46:00.001+08:00

third year palang ako pero naeexcite na ako sa college. gustong gusto ko nang magtake ng mga campus entrance exams. mukhang masaya kasi. pero natatakot din ako. baka kasi hindi ko maipasa mga gustong gusto kong itake.

plano ko kasi pagkacollege, s UP ako. medtech gusto kong kunin. wala lang. eh dahil sa mga naiisip ko na baka hindi ako pumasa, may iba pa akong plano. balak ko rin magBSN s UST. mukhang masaya kasi. **lol**

basta kung ano man ang course na kukunin ko pagkacollege, sure akong isa yung pre-med course. gusto ko kasing maging doctor. kaya pag nakapag nursing o medtech man ako,proceed na agad yun sa medicine.

pero teka. naalala ko nung summer. sinabi ng mom ko na gusto niyang magLaw ako. ok lang naman. medyo walang problema. pero para san?? eh simula nung bata ako, ang pagiging pediatrician na pinangarap ko. sana lang pagdating ng araw na kelangan na talagang magdesisyon kung ano'ng course n kukunin,eh maintindihan naman nila ako.

-- My Course --

2005-10-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

-- My First --

2005-10-12T21:09:00.000+08:00

heY..

bagong gawa lang po etong blog q..

hope dami png mpost..dami aqng ixaxare..

tC..